aspartame fears strike again

This article strikes me as a little alarmist, and I can't seem to completely trust the content on the Huffington Post. That being said, I'm sure that much of what Mercano has to say is well-founded.

Here's the link to an article about the evils of aspartame!

As I've mentioned before, just one piece of chewing gum sweetened with aspartame can knock me out with a migraine for a day or two. Splenda and sucralose do the same thing; luckily I eat pretty well and rarely ingest these chemicals accidentally.

Still, the questions this article raises brings up an undeniable truth: we must be careful of what we put into our bodies! Yes, many "natural" chemicals can hurt us. And the lab-created foods and sweeteners aren't evaluated in longevity studies, meaning there's no way to really know what the buildup of unnatural chemicals may do to our systems over our lifetimes. Be healthy & cautious, friends!

the joys of being a woman!

some of my favorite things to bring my headachey self some relief:
delicious cafe, reading, and my rose-tinted, anti-fluorescent glasses

Each blessed month, I am so proud to be graced with an entire week of cramps, headaches, exaggerated achiness, remarkably spectacular swings in mood, irritability with the people I love most, and--best of all--I get to deal with my Feminine Products nearly every hour on the hour for a couple of days! IT'S AWESOME.

But the migraine that accompanies this monthly extravaganza of womanhood is probably the best part of it. It's so great that after a couple days of using triptans I'm not allowed to use any more. That means I get to take ineffective rescue meds and just bask in the glory of my brain chemistry, thinking of how every action I take brings me pain and there's relatively little I can do about it until my period is gone.

Today we are on day one of not being able to use triptans. Luckily I have a two p.m. deadline and a 2:30 PM doctor's appointment.

It is bothering me that I wrote the time in two distinctly different formats just then. But to show how casual and carefree I am nowadays, I am just going to LEAVE IT AS IS!

A bit stressed and headachey but chipper enough to drive you crazy,
Janet

Creating a Migraine-Friendly Environment

Diana Lee has the March headache blog carnival posted. Once again, I slacked and missed the boat--this time I didn't even clue in enough to know what the topic was. Too bad, too, because I have a lot to say about migraine-friendly spots. (I have oft thought of writing reviews of restaurants, offices, etc. based mainly on the places' migraine-friendliness!)

Read the blog carnival entries here!

warm weather triggers migraines

Science has confirmed what many of us migraineurs already knew. I certainly get migrainey when the weather is super-hot and/or when I suddenly get overheated. I love warm weather but fear it when I know I can't escape from it when necessary.

I know the migraine bloggers will be all over this, so I'll be brief and give you some links:

http://www.webmd.com/migraines-headaches/news/20090309/warm-weather-may-trigger-migraines
http://health.usnews.com/articles/health/healthday/2009/03/09/warmer-than-average-temperatures-raise-migraine.html

alive and well!

I don't know what my deal has been lately--I just haven't felt like posting on either of my blogs very often. Could it have something to do with the whirlwind past couple of weeks I had? February 21 was my 29th birthday, February 22 I flew out of Atlanta to Buenos Aires, and February 23 until now I've been in "the Paris of South America" trying to balance personal needs and the strong desire to spend every waking moment on these lovely avenues. It's still summer here, so spending too much time outside during the day in the sun is not a healthy option, as overexertion, excess heat, and excess sun are all migraine triggers for me. I've had one wine glass too many during a few dinners, but I've had no next-day migraine, just some grogginess. The last couple of nights I've had lots of water (no alcohol) and still woke up today a big groggy. That might be another subject for another time: I'm wondering why, for the last several weeks, I wake up feeling really heavy-headed and groggy--often waking up and walking around the house/sitting up tends to help. Congestion?

I hope you East Coasters are coping with the snow! Yesterday I wished I was with you; now that Monday has rolled around and the Georgia snow has become cased in dangerous ice, I'm grateful to be here where it's 80 degrees and sunny.

I've been doing yoga in the pool of our building's courtyard!

I've NOT been sticking to my diet very well: turns out nearly every meal option has enriched flour and/or cheese/cream on it. Well-cooked (i.e., not boiled to death) veggies and fresh fruits are harder to come by than I'd thought.

Hope to check in with you soon. Thanks as always for being there to be my sounding board, and sorry I've been missing the boat on some migraine action events lately.

9 days and counting

Excuse me if I sicken you with my sickly sweet view of the world again, but I'm feeling great! The past few days I have been staying at my friends' new house in Atlanta, and I've been overexposed to triggers that usually work on me like clockwork, causing me to pop a few triptans in order to function.

Here are the things that usually tip me over the edge, especially over Christmas:

drinking a fair bit of alcohol (two nights in a row, at that!)
sleeping in a place where cats might jump on you and meow in the middle of the night
slight cat allergies (sad.)
changing weather patterns (sunny to cloudy, cloudy to rainy, rainy to soaked, creepily warm to freezing)
interrupted/disrupted sleep (2:30 AM bedtime one night, 4:45 AM the next, 11:45 PM the next)
driving in the car in unfamiliar, trafficky areas
having my period
exposure to fluorescent lights
exposure to cigarette smoke
loud music

In the last four days, I have experienced inordinate amounts of the above-listed triggers and am still alive to tell the tale. Nine days without the need to take a Relpax or Maxalt--and on those days I've felt really good, not half-blah as I often do on my non-migraine days.

Of course I'm hesitant to chalk it all up to the 4-6 weeks of regular exercise, but I do think that's the key player in this equation. Add that to the fact that I am hopeful--truly hopeful!--about my chances of operating like a normal human being again and you get one optimistic, good-feelin' girl.

Merry Christmas. I hope my next post is just as pain-free, and I wish you all happy, HEALTHY holidays!

I wash my hands of this!

After nearly four years of being on my condo association's board of directors (first as secretary, then as secretary/treasurer, and now as treasurer), I have felt some relief: due to my urging, we are going to hire an association management company to take over! I'll still retain my fancy title but with 99% of the work going to the management company and not to me. No more putting notices in people's boxes, asking them to clean up their yards! No more invoicing neighbors for their late, monthly condo dues! No more meeting with accountants multiple times a year to work out the books and file the taxes! No more emailing homeowners asking them to get their tenants to clean up the remnant's from Friday night's party! No more emailing association members repeatedly with getting very little in return! No more feeling guilty because I didn't do as much as I felt I should have (despite no one else doing much at all)! No more reminding people once a month that they cannot leave garbage in piles OUTSIDE of the cans! No more calling the garbage service to ask them to clean up extra mess! (See photo.)

Yay! Joy! Heaven!

There's still more work to go, but that works is OURS (and not mine), as it should have been all along. I can't say how many neighborhood-related woes have contributed to migraine attacks.

Whew.

healthy boundaries for "chronic babes"

Jenni Prokopy has this wonderful article on ChronicBabe.com this week about setting healthy boundaries in order to keep yourself and your relationships going strong.

I love it! Check it out here.

December headache blog carnival posted!

And no, I didn't get around to posting this month. Yet again I forgot! :(

Happier Holidays: December 2008 Headache Blog Carnival

green snot alert

Gross title, I know. But apt if you were to step into my life this very day.

I've had a cough/cold/stuffy head for over two weeks now. We all know I get angry about my own (and others'!) lack of health insurance, but at times like this that anger really flares up. I am confident that this is a cold. I am not being helped much by over-the-counter medicines and, now that the cold seems to be morphing into a sinus infection, I feel that I may soon want a doctor's help/antibiotic prescription. But I won't go to the doctor for this. First off, I don't have a general practitioner anymore. Used to have one but, as per UGA policy, I can't go see her now that I'm not affiliated with the university. Alumni not welcome. Wah. Never bothered getting another GP because, well--I had no insurance and no inclination to drop a few hundred bucks to see a doctor just so I could establish a relationship with him/her.

So now I'm green-snotted and stuffy-headed. Sinus infections can be extra obnoxious for us migraineurs, as we're oft used to having stuffy heads related to migraine attacks. Stuffy heads can lead to migraines or be a side effect of certain stages of migraine. I don't want my stuffed self to turn into stuffed-and-migrainey self. So far so good, but still.

I'm so mad that I can't call up a friendly doctor and say, "Hey there, this is your patient, Janet! What's going on? Listen, I'm feeling icky and think I might have a sinus infection. Could you be old-fashioned-doc for a sec and call in a prescription for me? Oh, you can't? That's okay--how about I make a drop-in visit to your office this afternoon. Cool? Cool."

Last time I made a doctor's appointment I was told it'd be over TWO MONTHS 'til I could get in to see the doctor. That two months is almost up--I have my appointment with this guy in mid-December. Many an Athenian has told me he can work wonders with migraineurs, focusing on lifestyle changes. I love a good holistic doctor who's not a quack--this guy is supposedly the real deal. I'll drop a couple hundred with fingers crossed and get back to you. It's gotta beat the rude service and hyper-prescribing tactics I ended up encountering at my neurologist's office.

Scratch that: EX-neurologist. I think I may have forgotten to mention that I dumped him a month or two ago. Yay, me! I gave him and his office a chance to keep me, but they didn't seem to give a crap. Alas.

Anywho. The 15+ day cold isn't much aggravating my head, though a big cough can certainly give me a burst of mild head pain. Ick.

I'm off to blow my nose. Jealous?

attempt at ponytail: fail

I put in a tiny little ponytail this afternoon--it's the first time I could put most of my short hair up and have it stay. I figured I could wear it for a couple hours before it started hurting my scalp.

Scratch that plan: it's been twenty minutes and I'm taking the thing down. Boo!

Little annoyances like this of course don't matter in the grand (or not-so-grand) scheme of life, but they really bug me. I can't even wear a ponytail if I want to! I can't sit in a friend's house if a scented candle is lit! I can't wander into a bar where smoking is allowed even if I love the band that's playing! Wah, wah, wah.

feeling like myself again

The other day I was in an excellent mood, flitting about the house getting things done, rearranging furniture, etc. As I had faintly suspected, this sense of euphoria and increased energy was a signal that the prodrome had set in. For a couple of days (and evenings) after that awesome night, I was pretty laid up and out of commission with Migraine.

Late in the evening on Tuesday--say, around eleven or so--I started to feel okay. I'd already missed a close friend's birthday get-together so felt a bit bummed out. Mainly I was relieved, though--the pain was lifting and I had a little bout of energy. I cleaned & rearranged my jewelry. I wrote a letter. I read a chunk of my book.

Wednesday I babysat for a few hours and, despite not having slept well the night before, I was happy and energetic with the kids. We played outside and I didn't once feel the need to lie down and rest. (A few weeks back, the six-year-old walked up to me shortly after I arrived at his house to sit. "Are you sleepy?" he asked me. "Um...not right now, no. Why did you ask that?" "Cause you're always sleepy," he replied in a sad voice. Wow. It's not as if I didn't know I felt run-down pretty often--it's that I'd thought that, in general, the kids saw me as an energetic, healthy person, not an "always tired" type. Hmm.)

Now it's Saturday at one in the morning, and my good mood, good spirits, and good health are all still going strong. I survived a big Thanksgiving Day (and night!) with some good friends and didn't get a migraine (!). Hours ago, the sunny and warm day turned into a chilly, rainy one, and my head didn't freak out as it usually would. Yesterday evening I had a few drinks and didn't wake up feeling extra tired or migrainey.


I've been engaging in activities I used to love but that have since fallen by the wayside due to my blah-ish indifference or my schedule--when so much of my time is taken up by Migraine, my non-sick times aren't usually spent on my goofy old habits. Here's a list of a few things I used to love doing but had kind of stopped until very recently (VERY recently):

1. played my piano keyboard, practicing notes and playing songs badly (I don't exactly have a formal piano education and can't play with two hands any better than a preschooler might--but it's fun!)
2. created many a paper craft, including a hand turkey, cut-out scissor crafts, and paper dolls
3. borrowed J.'s guitar and whipped out my cousin Bev's thirty-plus-year-old Mel Bay guitar instructional books
4. write letters to friends
5. hung lots of art & photos on the walls, art that had been sitting around for MONTHS waiting to be displayed
6. continued compiling my favorite photographs for a little photography portfolio
7. cleaned my silver jewelry (and some of the fake stuff, too, which appeared shiny and new again for about ten minutes before it re-tarnished--what gives?)
8. took a few long walks
9. snapped some photos of my neighborhood
10. made a cake (from the box--thank you, Duncan Hines)
11. repaired a beaded necklace my friend's cat chewed on and messed up approximately THREE YEARS AGO (it's been sitting around in plastic wrap since that fateful day I found it all torn up)
12. burned a CD of Costa Rica photos for my friend Rosa, a CD she requested I make in January 2008
13. sent a postcard to my cousin Laura--a postcard I bought and wrote in July 2007

+ more!!

Look at me, look at me! Now's the time when I indulge in a little fantasy about how this is how life will be from here on out. My migraines are gone for good, you see, and I'll NEVER BE SICK AGAIN. Awesome, huh? ;)

stinky stinks

Yes, we know that strange smells bother many migraineurs, and I am but one of that many. More often than not, smells really get on my nerves but don't trigger migraine attacks. Occasionally, though, the smells are so strong or my brain's state is such that one sniff of an undesirable fragrance can spin the migraine gears into action, bringing about a bad attack.

As much as I dislike cigarette smoke, I appreciate one thing about it: I can tell when it's coming. You can see the smoke, and you can (usually) walk away. I anticipate the smell and ready my brain for it; often I pull my hands up to my face and create a makeshift mask from the loosened sleeve of my shirt or jacket. I can walk away, or I can ask the smokers (if they're friends) to get clear away from me. In the grocery store, I can create a wide berth between me and the fish counter; if I catch a whiff of a strongly cologned shopper, I can relocate to another aisle and leave my nose in freedom.

What is irking me at the moment is the awful, horrible, plasticky chemical smell that seems to have taken root in my nostrils and my mouth, seemingly leaving my tongue with a gross coating, as if I'd stuck my tongue out and colored it with a Sharpie and topped it all off with a dash of turpentine.

I bought a spool of new CD-Rs and decided to take a blank one out and finally make the photo CD for a friend who asked for it ten months ago. (Lazy Jane strikes again!) The packaging was a bit hard to get off, but once I removed the crinkly plastic, I was ready to lift the cakebox-like lid off the CDs and grab a blank one.

The smell wafted toward--nay, slapped!--my face. The stench of melted plastic, old permanent marker ink, manufacturing chemicals, nastiness. Yech. I replaced the lid immediately after removing a CD, but it was too late. The smell now lives on and in me!

Do you ever feel as if a smell has stuck with you, that there's nothing you can do to rid your body of the scent? This happens to me all the time, but when I mention it to others, they don't seem to know what the heck I'm talking about. I could leave the office right now and step outside, but the smell of these CD-Rs would still linger in my nostrils and in my mouth. It takes a while for me to shake smells away, to have them leave my system. Sniffing a strong perfume is not something that lasts just a moment for me--the smell takes up residence in my nose and mouth and won't leave me for quite a while.

Anyone else experience this phenomenon?

clean house!

Tomorrow morning, a wonderfully friendly (and highly recommended) house cleaner is coming over here. I'm so excited. She's going to clean my house from top to bottom!

Here's the sad truth, folks. I hope you don't respect me any less (assuming you respected me in the first place) and hope your judgment is not too harsh. But let me lay it all out for you: I do not clean. Really ever. I can pretty well count on two hands the number of times I've thoroughly swept my house's hardwood floors. I can count on one hand the days I've mopped the floor. (There was that 5 AM after party mopping session conducted by my friend D. and me--we had to go over the living room floor literally 7 times in one night to clean up. But it WAS a good party. We'll count that as one mopping session, however.) Once every couple of months I clean the stove, and I'll wipe the linty baseboards in my bathroom-cum-laundry room if they happen to catch my eye. Getting down on my knees to scrub hurts my back, irritates my mood, and leaves me feeling generally unwell. Even if I were entirely healthy, I can't say that I'd be a cleaner.

What I can do--if I so choose--is organize. I love shelving (alphabetizing & organizing) books, rearranging picture frames, making sure my desk is just so, and having my bed made most days. Though it doesn't often look too impressive, I like having the bathroom counter organized and fairly sparse. I like the laundry to be folded immediately after drying and put away promptly. But I do not--repeat, DO NOT--scrub and polish and scour.

I'll leave that to my maid.

Oh, I'm so excited!!! Hiring a cleaner is yet another step in my slow-moving, quite unofficial plan to remove stressors from my life that I don't really need. I was stressed out about the election--hey, I think everyone was. That's normal. I get stressed about work and try to remind myself that remaining calm is better. I get stressed about my Migraine disease but try not to let that get out of hand. These, to me, are legitimate reasons to worry once in awhile. Keeping a house clean is not.

So here's what I've done so far to help myself be less strung-out and annoyed over highly controllable things:

1. I got a dishwasher. I save myself hours of back-bendingly uncomfortable dishwashing each month. I load up the dishwasher as I use dishes, so there's never any counter mess. I love it.
2. I have started giving things I NEVER use and no longer love away to friends and on freecycle. Just a few weeks ago, some girlfriends and I had a clothing exchange party: we turned my entire house into a modest consignment store, putting different types of clothing in each room. Each of us ended up with at least a modest loot; the remaining clothes and accessories went to one of our city's wonderful thrift stores. I have posted lots of giveaway items on freecycle, ridding myself of old toaster ovens, tables, accessories, etc. I no longer need.
3. I bought one of those over-the-toilet shelving units I swore I'd never get. It's a bit weak and blocks some of the light from the window, but it has saved me lots of room. Now my bathroom cabinets aren't stuffed with crap; in fact, they're fairly organized and have stayed that way for weeks!
4. I have tried more and more to be less hard on myself for not keeping the house clean and organized all the time. Practice may not lead to perfection, but I'm getting better at not beating myself up too much for being messy and/or dirty.
5. I hired a house cleaner. And I should probably get out of this chair so I can see if there's anything else I can put away (aka hide in drawers) before her morning arrival! Wish me luck.

Out of commission

I'm on day three of a Migraine attack. It flirted around a bit on Wednesday morning and decided to move in a little after noon that day. I expected a migraine the day after election day--the deflation of all that pent-up stress and worry, the sudden rush of relief, and the election-themed shots at the bar that were such a good idea at the time.

What I didn't expect was to continue feeling this way. I've been out of commission for days now! Last week it was a cold and slight fever--this week it's migraine with slight fever. My Maxalt kicked in yesterday afternoon (day 2 of migraine) right before I went to babysit. After babysitting, I had plans to drive up to Greenville to see some friends play music, and I was pleased to still feel happy and excited about this. The Maxalt had finally kicked my migraine's butt. On the way home from the show, the left side of my face started to feel pinched and a bit numb; my vision dulled a bit. The migraine was coming back.

I woke up today with a very heavy head. Tried to rest, eat a healthy breakfast, and have plenty of liquids along with my daily herbal meds. I'd taken my triptan two days in a row (twice on Wednesday; once on Thursday), so that plan was out. Perhaps some no-impact exercise would help and would me to avoid having to take my rescue meds! I headed to the YMCA and swam laps for awhile. The water felt great, and moving around in the water distracted me from the pain a bit. Unfortunately, the visit was not an entire success: the goggles were painful to wear around my seemingly swollen head, and the water pressure wasn't doing my sinuses any favors. Afterward, my ears were killing me--I've always been sensitive to water pressure, but in recent years I've gotten earaches after swimming even if I've not gone too deep. After my YMCA adventure, I was definitely worse for the wear.

I drove home with blurry eyes and took some Lortab after all. Now I feel unpleasantly loopy, tired, and out of it. Have a big translation assignment due tomorrow that I put off at first because of my mom's visit (and the election excitement); now I'm putting it off because I am in such discomfort. I hate feeling like a slacker despite my knowing that I'm physically and mentally unable to do my best (and speediest) work right now. Still I feel bad.

Just another Oct. 31

I skipped Halloween tonight. This seems pretty sad at first: I mean, I have always loved Halloween and tend to dress up each year--if you exclude a handful of early high school Halloweens when I was too cool (and too old, according to my parents) to dress up and go trick-or-treating.

I've told you a little bit about my dear friend HT before. She and I are very similar in a variety of ways--it's not just our height and Germanic looks. (What an odd non-Janet-sounding sentence. I'll keep it.) We get along well for many reasons; it helps that she is perhaps the only real-life person I know who genuinely understands what it's like to live with a chronic illness. Because our personalities and senses of humor are so similar, our perspectives are that much more in sync.

Earlier this week, I called her to see if she'd be interesting in spending the night IN on Halloween. As the night is her favorite holiday, I knew she might be reluctant to commit. As she'd been pretty sick off and on for the weeks prior, I knew she'd probably end up being able to hang out with little old me. As it turns out, we did get to spend time together. We had dinner, chit-chatted, and watched The Shining for the first time in over a decade (for each of us). Let me just tell you: this movie is AWESOME. I somehow remembered it as being sort of slow and boring until the final scenes--but my 28-year-old self now scolds my high school self for not having realized how wonderfully suspenseful the film is. The experience I had watching it was lessened by the pain and discomfort I felt during the loud scenes or very bright shots. I thought to myself a few times, "Wow--this would REALLY be painful in a movie theatre!" I asked HT to turn the volume down once or twice, but the high-pitched, sitting-on-the-edge-of-your-seat squeaky strings still got to me. When I watch TV with my boyfriend, I almost always have to ask him to turn it down for me. (He's a musician who must already have irreversible hearing damage; I'm an ultra-sensitive girlfriend who is getting paid back by karma for all the times her older sister used to tell her to turn down the volume.) I can relax pretty well on my own, but now even laid-back activities are threats of pain and discomfort. I don't like that, even when I'm in a friend's quiet, smoke-free house--a place that should be lovely for a migraineur--I have to ask her to make many adjustments to accommodate me.

I suppose I feel as if I'm always on guard; that a trigger could be waiting around the corner. IS waiting around the corner, and I've got to be quick enough to catch it.

Even now I'm affected by the unintentional elements of my visit. When HT gave me a long hug goodnight, I could smell hand sanitizer on her, hand sanitizer with a strong scent (strong for me, at least). Even the hug couldn't be an enjoyable goodbye--instead I was thinking, "Oh, I hope she doesn't hold on too long, because that smell is going to wear off onto my clothes and it'll bug me!" Now I'm sitting at this computer, 30 minutes after saying goodnight, and the hand sanitizer smell is wafting through the air and sending daggers through my nose into my brain. Sorry.

So yeah. Back to Halloween. We drove downtown once to deliver HT's husband's i.d. to him--he'd forgotten to carry it along with him in his costume. We got to see a few costumes and were creepily incognito: we wore bags on our heads as we parked outside my favorite bar and waited for HT's husband to come out. Only he and two other friends knew who we were; they snapped a few photos of us. I looked beyond them and saw many of my friends outside the bar, no one knowing I was near. And then we pulled off.

And you know what? I'm not sorry I didn't got out. At this pinot, the night is over for most folks in town and I'm sure they had a great time. So did I. I continue to get used to this lower-key Janet who chooses to stay in when she used to be social, social, social. I hope I stop questioning her choices so much and trust her to do the right thing.

mine nose is mine enemy!

In the last several months, my sensitivity to light, smell, and sound has skyrocketed. I don't know what the deal is, but times are tough. I won't even go into the fact that going to rock shows (which is one of my favorite things to do in this entire world) has become painful to me even when I wear my omnipresent earplugs. Let's save that tragedy for another post.

Let us focus on my borderline live-in boyfriend for a second. J. is thoughtful, lovely, kind, smart, and extremely goofy. Wonderful traits. J. wears a combination cologne-deodorant that my 19-year-old self would have swooned over. (Swooned!). He smells so wonderful when he sprays the mist into his pits. Unfortunately, the smell has gotten worse. A couple of years ago, I asked him if he would wear the blue-bottle scent instead of the green-bottle scent because greenie and I didn't get along. Then came a lovely period when he used normal stick deodorant like most of us. A month or so ago, he bought his old brand again...and this time I CANNOT TAKE IT.

Despite my feeling like a crotchety old lady, I asked him that if he was going to get ready for the day at my house could he please spray the deodorant outside on the porch? Affirmative. Except for the times when he forgot and I had to turn on fans and lie down. (One time in particular I got a migraine attack within thirty minutes despite my going as far away from the Spray Site as possible!)

It's been awhile since I trained him to spray outdoors (ew--I sound like I'm talking about a feral cat). Tonight he sprayed his deodorant on the deck and reentered the house. Kind soul.

Too bad the smell is shooting straight up my nostrils into my brain! So gross! I am in my office, door closed and window open. I still cannot shake the smell that he sprayed nearly two hours ago OUTSIDE.

When I was a younger lass, my mom's inability to be around strong sensory stimuli drove me crazy now and then. I'd come in the room after a shower and try to sit with her on the couch, but my shampoo smell was too potent for her and she'd ask me to get up (or even leave the room). When Bath & Body Works lotions were all the rage in eighth grade, I became a fan of the ever-popular "sun-ripened raspberry" line. My mother couldn't stand to be in the same room as I after I slathered myself in the overpriced body lotion. (Again, I will not discuss her other types of overexcitabilities here, but suffice it to say she is very sensitive to her environment.)

It made me sad and hurt my feelings when my mom wouldn't be able to hug me because I smelled. To be honest with you, my friends, I thought she was being overdramatic. (Sorry, ma--I was a 'tudey teenager anyway, eh?) Surely no one could have physical reactions to smells that were so mundane yet lovely! Right?

Wrong.

I am turning into my mother. Yeah, yeah, most adult women come to that realization some time or another. Truth be told, I am proud to be very much like her. Too bad part of that similarity is extended to my nostrils' oversensitive nature. I can't be around strong smells. My boyfriend is going to change deodorants. I hold a shirt over my face if I'm around cigarettes, thereby marking myself as one who is trying her best to passive-aggressively judge the smokers around her. (While I detest cigarette smoking, I am only covering my nose to help stave off the migraine attack, not to pass judgment with a gesture.)

So Ma, I'm sorry. Sorry I doubted the power of your nostrils all those years. Sorry, sorry. For now I am you! Aaaahhh!

The end.

stinky stinky transportation

I had the best intentions of writing about all the migrainous adventures I had in Panama & Costa Rica, but that has yet to happen. This morning I was reminded of one element of my trip I should definitely describe: the stinky transportation.

You're probably imagining fumes, exhaust, and dust in an overcrowded capital where there are no auto emissions laws, and you're right. But dangers accompanied the swankier rides I took in private vans (for work) and in a big ol' pickup truck that was all decked out (one part of the long journey between Panama & C.R.). The relatively comfortable passenger van that picked us up at the hotel each morning and dropped us off each evening was operated by a really friendly, smiling guy named Achurro (sp?). All the seat belts worked! There was enough room for everyone!

The problem? The car potpourri/deodorizer. I couldn't see one of those obnoxiously overbearing scented cardboard trees hanging from the rearview mirror; in fact, the smell seemed to be pumping out through the air conditioner. Ugh. On a few rides, the smell didn't bug me so much; on others, I held my hoodie up against my nose, as I am wont to do in a smoky bar before I make my escape.

I survived the flowery van stink, but since I was immersed in a sea brimming with Migraine triggers that week, it probably did me more harm than good to be in that van 1.5 hours/day on average.

Cue Stink Ride #2: Jim and I got a taxi in Changuinola, Panama to drive us to the Panama-Costa Rica border. This time, I could see the culprit: two of those stinky cardboard trees dangling menacingly from the rearview mirror. "Unwind your window," Jim gestured to me. I did so despite the unpaved roads and the air conditioning the driver had generously turned on. The driver looked back after a couple of minutes and pleasantly asked in Spanish if I would roll up the window. I felt downtrodden and on the edge of tears (as I tend to feel when I'm getting a Migraine and feel there's no end in sight for the next while), but I sucked it up and explained why I had the window open. The driver's eyes lit up, and he explained to me that he, too, was sensitive to the smells--this, in fact, was the only one of the scented trees that didn't give him a headache. He totally understood and we rolled windows down further to look out at the endless banana plantations. For that moment, I was safe again.

People sometimes shut you down, I know, but--for the most part--it's rather touching how understanding others are if you just speak your mind.

yoga at last!

Today, after my eye exam, I went to the closest of my neighborhood yoga studios and took a free (donations-based) yoga class! Titled "Gentle Yoga," today's class was just that. It lasted about an hour and did not involve any hard-core stretches; the teacher repeatedly told us that one of the focuses of her gentle yoga class was to get a feel for how your body reacts to different stretches, how it feels to breathe in different positions, and how to balance your body better. I had a good time, and (dare I say it?) for a minute there I actually felt like I was doing some good. And by that I mean I think I am going to be sore tomorrow.

As a girl who used to be in excellent physical shape, it's sometimes hard for me to hold back a little when I get active again. I must remind myself that I am no longer capable of the exertion and exercise that were once easily within my power, that I must work up to the point where I can be a super-duper exercise woman. Oftentimes, I am fed up with my inability to perform as well as I did at age twelve and give up. I don't want that to happen this time.

Speaking of overdoing it because I was convinced my body still held its youthful pre-teen powers.... Once I took a kickboxing class with my AmeriCorps friends in Florida. I was all over this class, pumping my fists in the air, kicking my legs high, and doing ceaseless lunges while pretending not to be winded. That night and the next day, my comrades were wiped out and sore, while I felt great.

And then came the day AFTER that. And the several days that followed that one. I was sore, sore, sore, and the soreness in my body helped trigger a lovely little spell of Migraines. I had ignored the teacher's warning to take it easy if we'd never had a kickboxing class before, that it was okay to hold back now and again rather than overdoing it. Oops.

Today in the yoga class I was tempted to stretch more than my body was willing to--I wanted to show those people that I had innate yogic ability! I could suddenly be flexible in my legs even though I have NEVER been able touch my toes. But then common sense whispered in one ear while the teacher spoke in the other: listen to your body. Be mindful of how different movements feel, and don't do certain positions if something feels wrong.

So then I chilled out and enjoyed myself more. My favorite part was the last five minutes of relaxation with a lavender-infused eye mask, though. Maybe in a few months' time I'll say that the hardcore stretches are my favorite, but for now I liked the lie-down-and-rest-while-breathing.

Hello, Four Eyes

I'm going to a franchised eyeglass/eye exam store today to get glasses. I looked at the prices/selection at one of the only local eye businesses, and the prices were just too high. Sorry, local business. I've bought from you before but can't do it this time around.

I'm going to Pearle Vision, whose eye exams are purportedly half the price of Lenscrafters' exams. (Pearle = $40. Lenscrafters = $80.) Let's hope the people are as friendly and helpful in person as they have been over the phone.

In a sense, I feel as if I'm givin' up the dream--the Irlen dream. But my two attempts to reach the only listed Irlen representative in Georgia have been unsuccessful, and the rose- and anti-glare-tinting Pearle offers will help a LOT, I think. I think.

Right now I feel daunted by the high prices I'm about to pay. Clearly I will be spending a lot, despite the lovely AAA 30% discount and any other specials they throw at me. Getting new glasses is a HUGE investment, so part of me--a BIG part of me--is tempted to try to cheapen the deal, not going for all the fancy lens coatings and filters they offer. (A well-trained skeptic, I sometimes go overboard in my mistrust of salespeople and the things they offer unto me.) But lots of [unofficial, online] research and some reading of official manuscripts in medical journals has led me to this: I will buy those fancy filters. I'm goin' for as many as I can get, as different people and different studies suggest that each of the fancy filters I'm about to list has helped with glare, night driving, computer-staring, and--tadum!--fluorescent lighting. I'll go for the rose tint on a pair, added to the UV filter, polarized lenses, and non-glare coating. I'll be migraine-free--and broke--before you know it!


Tee hee.

I do pay tons to visit my less-than-steller neurologist & company in Atlanta every few months. Considering the price of gas, the 1.5-hour ride, and the $135 appointment fee (not payable by my credit card), I sure do pay a lot to TREAT my migraines. Why not pay a lot to help prevent?


Fingers crossed. Thank god for my AMEX and the necessary things it helps me buy. Can't wait til my first work paycheck comes in and I can pay off some of my Migraine-induced debt!