one of those days

Last night I said to J., "I feel really hopeful." "Good--you should!" "I always feel hopeful and excited about things, but today feels special. Something really good is going to happen. And I really think I stand a chance with this grant giveaway." "Of course you do!"

Cue 12:01 AM, when I tried and failed to submit my Pepsi project. A few hours later, adrenaline still rushing through body after having tried to troubleshoot the technological issues that held me back from submitting my little grant application, I lay in bed trying to fall asleep.

And then today was a doozie. It's rare that I'm discouraged or down in the dumps, but man--today did a number on me, and nothing even happened! (Why did I refuse to note the signs of a migraine coming on?) While running errands, I noticed that the daylight made me squint, and my vision was blurry. I took down my photo show from the Flicker Bar, and ended up getting super-teary-eyed. Not sure why, as I know I sold well (I sold enough photos to reach my goal of having enough dough to launch the Avid Bookshop website!) and had a really successful art opening on February 1st. Hell, even if I'd sold nothing, I still would've felt proud of myself for having my first-ever photo show, for doing something public with a hobby I think I'm pretty good at.

So it wasn't regret that made me teary-eyed, and it wasn't the usual reason that I cry at the drop of a hat (um, PMS, anyone?): I think it was that I was getting a migraine. Yesterday evening, I was feeling particularly euphoric, more encouraged and productive and active than I've been in weeks! But then the prodrome really set in (my blurred vision, the bright sun, the weepiness, incessant yawning) without my realizing (or wanting to acknowledge) what it was.

Now, 22 hours after my hopeful, euphoric outburst, I'm feeling okay. A little down in the dumps, a little discouraged, and a little distracted by the discomfort that's not quite settled in behind my left eye. Tomorrow I'll begin anew, having a couple of bookstore meetings and dealing with some bureaucratic bill pay stuff that will surely find me sitting on hold, book in hand for a little while.

Hope you're well.

an unexpected (but unsurprising) side effect of Migraine

Sorry to not have much original content on this post and the last one, but this story caught my eye! I have oft said I wish I had an extra-strength prescription in my glasses for when I'm getting a Migraine--my vision gets worse during my aura and the headache itself.

http://www.metrowestdailynews.com/news/x1657300501/Police-say-migraine-led-to-Trolley-Square-crash

Thursday is TODAY

Well, as I suspected, the pattern continues. I felt really great this afternoon and, the moment I realized how great I felt, tried to push the thought of an impending Migraine attack. (As I've mentioned before, I often feel wonderful right before my head pain sets in.) J. and I went grocery shopping and it was at the store I started feeling light-headed and icky. An hour later, I was home but not any worse for the wear. I managed to tidy up very slightly for this evening's book club meeting at my house and even baked some brownies and made guacamole!

Around 9:15 or so, the blurry vision took ahold and the left side of my head started feeling...well...not right. I don't tend to consciously feel my head when I'm well; it's only when I'm coming down with a Migraine attack (or head cold, for that matter) that my body remembers my head is even there.

It's 10:30 and I am going to lie down in bed after taking an Imitrex and my nightly regime of pills.

Somehow I'm comforted by the fact that the Thursday Migraines are getting predictable. This logic seems screwy--I don't want to EXPECT them, but I do want to be prepared. Oddly enough, Thursday has been my favorite day of the week since I was little. I intend to keep it that way--Migraine, you will not get me down!!!

my near-death experience

Today I had one of those Migraine attacks during which I felt so awful and so sick that I gave up all my hopes and dreams and figured there's no chance in hell I'll ever accomplish even one-tenth of what I want to do. I lay in bed, afraid to move for fear of waking the nausea beast. My duties weighed heavily on my mind: call the leasing agent to talk about the bookstore; talk to the staff at the shelter about tutoring adults; clean the house; make sure everyone knows tonight's girls' night is canceled; send off those letters I keep forgetting about; make sure I have all my meds and clothes packed for this weekend's trip; oh my god I have nothing to wear to the high school reunion Saturday; oh my god why do I care?

As you can guess, it was hard for me to fall asleep and rest.

While babysitting this morning, my head acquired that good ol' stuffy feeling it's been getting most days for the last several months. Driving in the car, E., the three-year-old, was singing to herself in the backseat and her higher-pitched words pierced my ears. "Oh no," I thought, "is this the beginning?" An hour later, I was leaving the kids' house and my vision felt blurry. I tried to ignore the signs, for oftentimes they end up melting away into nothing and I feel fine and migraine-free.

That was not the case today.

I decided I needed a power nap. I woke up feeling less sleepy but more achey. I called the mom of the kids I babysit as I made soup, leaving a message in which I asked if I could call off for the afternoon. I had a Migraine and it didn't seem to be going away. If she needed me to come, I could, but I'd probably want to lie on the couch while the kids played.

I sat down with my bowl of hot soup and dipped my spoon in. The first time I brought it to my mouth, a wave of nausea overtook me and I thought I'd be sick. I stood up to ready myself for that disgusting trip to the bathroom but was too dizzy to stand. In the space of ten minutes, my Migraine had gone from tolerable to utterly debilitating. I cancelled the babysitting date for good and lay down for hours. HOURS. Two Imitrex pills, one Naproxen, and several mini-naps later, I emerged feeling woozy but pain-free.

Now I don't feel so despondent and hopeless, but today's episode did give me pause. Most Migraine attacks are ones that I can medicate quickly and all but cure. This one and the one I had two weeks ago were especially resistant to treatment, and I wondered what I'll do when one of these stubborn ones come on while I'm a bookstore owner. Who will take over last-minute? Can I put a "Back in 5...hours" sign on the door? These are issues I definitely have to work out, but I cannot--CANNOT--let them stop me from opening my business. Right?

congested congestion never ends

I have felt congested for, I don't know, a few MONTHS now? I chalked it up at first to Georgia weather, but this has gotten out of control. Quite often my entire head, from the skin on the back of it to my nose to the sinus cavities under my cheekbones (uh, there are sinus cavities there, right?) has been stuffy. Yes, experts, I realize that the diagnosis of "sinus headache" is not accurate and that it's usually Migraine at work (this is touched upon here). Yes, I realize that sinus congestion can be a precursor or side effect of a Migraine attack. But all the time? Really? Even when I'm not in the midst of a Migraine episode?

Perhaps this is tied to the incessant tiredness I've been dealing with. In the last couple weeks, I've gotten so tired I've succumbed to the desire to take a nap for 30-120 minutes. When I awake, I feel groggy at first but then have energy again. Imagine that--energy!

Here's what I'm thinking. I need to make more money. I need to make more money so I can see a doctor who actually practices in my town. I need to talk to a doctor whose staff doesn't feel like I'm bothering them. I need to figure out what's going on with my body as a whole, but I have to get over my hesitation when it comes to holistic healing. Okay, let's clarify: holistic treatment is one of the only methods that makes sense. Of course you have to look at the entire body in order to figure out what's happening to make you function under par. But so many holistic healers I've come across--mainly on the web or in accidental late night conversations at music shows--are a bit kooky. The daughter of two die-hard skeptics (not to mention I'm a skeptical little squirrel myself), it's difficult for me to swallow the talk they deliver, the talk that smacks of New Age (e.g., millenia-old) wisdom. What to do?

For now I can't do anything anyway. Ain't no dispensible income to speak of, so I'll just sit tight. Bright news at the moment? My stuffiness is only 15% present at the moment. And yes, that's an official calculation.

NHF Headache Awareness week--Migraine video

Check out this new youtube channel in honor of this awareness week: http://www.youtube.com/nhf1970

And this video is very helpful.



Soon I shall return to normal writing mode--for now, I must be off to work.

The King of Migraines

I've read about Elvis having had severe Migraine problems before; I've read on reputable health websites that many of the drugs found in his system during the autopsy were treatments (both OTC and not) for his Migraine disease.

This article, though nearly a decade old, tells how the medical community and reporters found out about Elvis's health information.

http://www.migraines.org/new/news9904.htm

Interesting. Sad.

(photo courtesy of www.elvispresleynews.com/ElvisMedicalReport.html)

Migraine without headache

It's rare, but it happens. I think that I suffered from it during the nighttime and early morning hours as I tried to sleep. Imagine all the side effects of a migraine (nausea, vomiting, upset stomach, aura, discomfort, sensitivity to light & sound) without the headache. Better than the usual thing, but, at least for me, scarier to treat with expensive drugs since I'm usually not positive that what I'm experiencing is a Migraine.

In any case, I'm not feeling so hot, but I definitely feel better compared to where I was this morning. Ugh.