I'm on the verge...

I can well imagine myself having caffeine this weekend if I don't start feeling better. My head is about 5 times worse than when I wrote earlier this morning, and I can actually smell that polleny, grassy smell pouring out from my air conditioning vents thanks to the lawn dudes and all they stirred up with their fancy equipment. The yard looks great. I do not.

I'm bending the Maxalt rules a bit, too. You know how it says not to take the drug more than three days a week? Well, I took it last weekend and decided that Monday would start a new week. So even though I had a Maxalt on the 17th, 18th, 21st, and 22nd, I'm only counting the second pair of days because...well...because I feel HORRIFIC and cannot function. So Let's pretend the week started on Monday and not Sunday. Work for you? I hope it works for me. I should not risk MOH but feel crippled without being able to help myself through this.

Now that people actually read this blog, I feel sort of ashamed when I admit that I'm not fulfilling promises to myself (i.e., don't take too many triptans in too short a time, Janet!). But I also have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not alone in this struggle and think that, for those of you who read this, hearing that someone else is on the cusp of doing the forbidden in terms of drug treatment might resonate with you.

Wah.

Overcast, pollinated day
Why don't you just go away?!

Migraine & Headache Poetry Contest

For all you wordsmiths (or even those of you who haven't tried your hand at it before), check out this contest! Entries are due VERY soon--April 21, this Monday.

Give it a shot--you've got nothing to lose but a little bit of stress. (Writing helps a lot, you know.)

a pain a day

I have had a headache every day for the last week or so. This achey, sinusy feeling throbbing on the left side of my head feels like a grade 2 Migraine headache. It's only progressed to a full-fledged Migraine twice in 8 days, and I've only taken a triptan twice. I am wary of taking pain medication for it because I don't want my chronic daily headache to rear its ugly head again in the same way it used to. This is how it used to feel, minus the sinusy aspects.

Had I not learned that the vast majority "sinus headaches" are really undiagnosed Migraine headaches, I'd think I were suffering from a sinus headache in part. I also feel the way I do the night before I get my period, that particular brand of Migraine I endure right before the onset.

It has been around 100 degrees out every day for the last several days here, and maybe that has something to do with this. I don't know. I just feel tired and helpless since I feel I can't take my medication due to fear of rebound headache.

springing into action?

The weather has been gorgeous lately--ridiculously high temperatures for early and mid-March, puffy clouds, temperatures in the 70s, and sunshine, sunshine, sunshine. This, of course, also means flowers and pollen and runny noses and sneezing.


For me it also means a stuffy head, tight neck, and increase in Migraine frequency. I've grown used to the fact that my Migraines are triggered by shifts in barometric pressure: when it's going to rain, my temples and neck seem to know it before I even step outside or check the weather online. Perhaps it's because I've only really started studying my Migraine patterns in the last couple of years; perhaps it's because seasons don't change all that frequently--in any case, from spring to spring I forget how frustratingly stuffy and painful my head and body get while the weather patterns shift and winter disappears.

It's not at all uncommon for Migraineurs to be affected by changes in weather. It's true that sinus medication might ease symptoms, but there's always the risk that taking over-the-counter medication will (a) lessen the effectiveness of prescription medication, (b) lead to an increase in the number of rebound headaches, and/or (c) lead to more intense Migraines.

Yet another conundrum.

I don't mean to simply use this as a forum for my own venting. What I found today was that spending the day outside was slightly painful but really enjoyable. I "paid for it" by having to lie low in the evening time, having a quiet dinner and then canceling my tentative plans to spend time with friends because my headache's just bad enough not to socialize, but not bad enough for me to want to take prescription meds for the second day in a row.

So for me, it's bedtime.

For you, I wish you a pleasant day or evening, depending on when you're reading. Take care.

the migration of pain

In the last few weeks, I've felt better than usual on my good days but worse than usual on my bad days. That is to say, the pains are more painful and the comfortable days aren't marked by as much pain.

Yesterday I had a particularly stressful day full of assignments and work. The stress was only compounded by the fact that I seem to have misplaced my motivation and gusto for anything other than reading books and writing on my own. I blame part of my distractability on my withdrawal from Effexor XR, which brings up strange little side effects. The rest? My fault. My laziness.

In any case, I met some friends out but didn't last long. I started to get a slight "ponytail headache," the kind where your hair follicles actually start to ache from the pain of holding all your hair up in a small rubber band. Only thing was, I had no rubber band in. At least it wasn't a Migraine, right? 'Cause my Migraines almost always start behind my left eye with dash of right eyeball attention. My town no longer allows smoking indoors, but my hypersensitive nostrils still caught plenty of sharp whiffs of the cigarettes people were puffing on directly outside the open door. The pain behind my nose and cheeks intensified; the throbbing in the very center of my head staked its claim on my skull and encouraged me to call it a night.

Because I am fearful of taking Relpax + naprosyn every time I feel a headache coming on (more coming on that fear in a later entry), I avoided the drugs by going to bed. Woke up about 3 hours earlier than usual with throbbing pain that wouldn't leave me alone. Gave in and took the meds and am already worried about tomorrow's rebound headache that will most likely manifest itself as soon as my intensive 10-hour work day begins.

In the meantime, I tilt the computer screen back so it barely sends its glow to me, and I squint my eyes in pain as I scroll through the menus on my cell phone, trying to call the pharmacy for even more prescription refills my insurance no longer covers...

Pity party is now declared...over!

The infamous REBOUND HEADACHE

Are you familiar with this phenomenon? In my life, it has taken on a life of its own. What follows is an all-too-real example of it.

On Friday night, I wasn't feeling up to par--but what else is new? And is it fair to say I wasn't feeling up to par when my par is usually not too high? I wasn't feeling up to a healthy person's par, I should say. I thought I would be okay to go out with friends. Unfortunately, the headache got worse rather rapidly and I could feel my brain throbbing as I walked with a friend to my car and was trying to figure out which party to attend next. (No, my social calendar is usually not packed--but I did have two get-togethers I'd promised to drop by.) We decided to drop by my house before the parties, and as soon as I sat down in my faithful recliner, I realized that the Migraine wasn't going anywhere. In fact, it was making itself more known by the second. After being home for 20 minutes, I asked my friend if she minded if we skipped the parties. I dropped her off at home and then went to bed, avoiding the Relpax because I wanted to see if I could sleep it off.

Sleeping off a Migraine is something that used to work for me, but it hasn't done too well by me for the last several years. Perhaps it was just the quiet passage of time that temporarily cured the pain. In any case, now I am caught in the all-too-common dichotomous nature of Migraine treatments.

1. We are told to take our Relpax (or Imitrex, or whatever drug you need to kick a Migraine out) at the first sign of Migraine. I can't do this because I have CDH and have the first sign of a Migraine almost every hour of the day. I usually must wait 'til it gets progressively worse.
The more you let your body get into the pattern of getting Migraines, the more easily the pain comes back the next time, having mastered the neural passageways and routes necessary to dilate and constrict the arteries and veins.
2. If one takes a reactive Migraine drug like Relpax or Imitrex, he or she can expect to get another Migraine in 12-48 hours. This is what's dubbed "the rebound headache." Our poor patient will either suffer through this second Migraine or take another Relpax to fight it off. If a third rebound headache occurs, she's not to take another Relpax. One cannot become dependent upon this drug, so one ends up in agony much of the time if she's already suffered through two Migraine episodes in a row.

Back to this weekend. I awoke on Saturday morning with the headache being even worse than it was the night before. After stumbling about the house for an hour or so, I sucked it up and took a Relpax along with 500mg of Naproxen (my doctor's prescription, not my own addition). Within 1 1/2 hours, I felt great. I've never felt so wonderful as I do when the drugs have kicked in & there's no trace of a headache for a few hours. Sigh. All-powerful me! I went out with friends, visited a neighbor, went to a play, and stayed out until 3 or 4 AM.

Sunday morning? Yep. Migraine. Not a hangover headache as I had initially thought (& half-hoped). I took Relpax (plus the Naproxen, of course) and eventually felt good.

But I can't ever feel entirely good, knowing I'm utterly dependent on ridiculously, unfairly expensive medication. My pain this weekend cost a lot in terms of psychological and physical strain, but it also cost me lots in U.S. dollars: about $55 for prescriptions my plan no longer covers.

When I think about it in those terms, a ghost of pain shoots through my head. As usual, it's time to avoid this topic and pretend I'm "normal" in the hopes of having an okay day.