a favor to ask

Friends and fellow health bloggers,

As many of you know, I'm opening a bookstore this year in Athens, GA. Deciding to start my own business was not a choice I made lightly--every step of the way, I had to guess at how every aspect of business ownership would affect my health. After weighing the pros and cons, I decided to move full speed ahead. Once we open our doors to the public toward the end of this year, I will make sure I have a plan in place for when I'm too ill to be at the store. (To start, I'm setting some rules for myself, including a rule that I can't work more than X hours per week, no matter how much there is to do. Health comes first.) Thankfully, working on my business plans each and every day has improved my life and given me more focus, something I really needed. I have more of a routine now that I'm working multiple jobs (freelance work, babysitting, medical document editing, and the as-yet-unpaid bookstore work!). I'm thrilled about my new business and the feedback I've gotten from friends, family, colleagues, and the community at large.

Now's when I ask for a couple minutes of your time. Please visit my bookstore blog and see how you can help me get this project to the next level through free clicks, small (we're talking a $1 minimum!) donations, and even formal investments.

If you've only got a second, just click here to vote for us in the Pepsi Refresh Everything project, and spread the word. You can vote daily!

Many of you out there have your own Facebook pages, your own blogs, your own businesses. Would you consider posting the link to my Pepsi Refresh Project so your friends and customers can vote, too? I'd be most grateful.

Thanks to Eileen Gray and Teri Robert, who are already helping out.

one of those days

Last night I said to J., "I feel really hopeful." "Good--you should!" "I always feel hopeful and excited about things, but today feels special. Something really good is going to happen. And I really think I stand a chance with this grant giveaway." "Of course you do!"

Cue 12:01 AM, when I tried and failed to submit my Pepsi project. A few hours later, adrenaline still rushing through body after having tried to troubleshoot the technological issues that held me back from submitting my little grant application, I lay in bed trying to fall asleep.

And then today was a doozie. It's rare that I'm discouraged or down in the dumps, but man--today did a number on me, and nothing even happened! (Why did I refuse to note the signs of a migraine coming on?) While running errands, I noticed that the daylight made me squint, and my vision was blurry. I took down my photo show from the Flicker Bar, and ended up getting super-teary-eyed. Not sure why, as I know I sold well (I sold enough photos to reach my goal of having enough dough to launch the Avid Bookshop website!) and had a really successful art opening on February 1st. Hell, even if I'd sold nothing, I still would've felt proud of myself for having my first-ever photo show, for doing something public with a hobby I think I'm pretty good at.

So it wasn't regret that made me teary-eyed, and it wasn't the usual reason that I cry at the drop of a hat (um, PMS, anyone?): I think it was that I was getting a migraine. Yesterday evening, I was feeling particularly euphoric, more encouraged and productive and active than I've been in weeks! But then the prodrome really set in (my blurred vision, the bright sun, the weepiness, incessant yawning) without my realizing (or wanting to acknowledge) what it was.

Now, 22 hours after my hopeful, euphoric outburst, I'm feeling okay. A little down in the dumps, a little discouraged, and a little distracted by the discomfort that's not quite settled in behind my left eye. Tomorrow I'll begin anew, having a couple of bookstore meetings and dealing with some bureaucratic bill pay stuff that will surely find me sitting on hold, book in hand for a little while.

Hope you're well.

stop faking it, people--you're giving us a bad name!

This makes me angry!

Figures it'd be something frustrating to get me back here on the blog after such a long absence. When I first read this headline ("Migraines now top excuse for calling in sick,") I was ready to fill out a comment on the Telegraph's page. I can hear myself starting to preach now: "You really should have used the word "reason," not "excuse." Migraine is a disease, not a..." You guys know the drill.

Imagine my surprise to find out that the word choice in the article title was right on!

If you are a migraine sufferer and are willing to be open with your boss(es), then more power to you: you increase awareness of the disease when you are honest about why you can't be at work. Yes, there are risks. Yes, that bitter woman in the back might snicker at you yet again and think you're a wimp who can't handle a headache. You know what? Screw her! Take care of yourself.

If you are NOT a migraine sufferer, then don't use our illness as a reason for you to take a vacation day. Admitting that you're faking it doesn't really help your case or ours: it just makes people less likely to believe all of us next time they hear the word "migraine."

the joys of being a woman!

some of my favorite things to bring my headachey self some relief:
delicious cafe, reading, and my rose-tinted, anti-fluorescent glasses

Each blessed month, I am so proud to be graced with an entire week of cramps, headaches, exaggerated achiness, remarkably spectacular swings in mood, irritability with the people I love most, and--best of all--I get to deal with my Feminine Products nearly every hour on the hour for a couple of days! IT'S AWESOME.

But the migraine that accompanies this monthly extravaganza of womanhood is probably the best part of it. It's so great that after a couple days of using triptans I'm not allowed to use any more. That means I get to take ineffective rescue meds and just bask in the glory of my brain chemistry, thinking of how every action I take brings me pain and there's relatively little I can do about it until my period is gone.

Today we are on day one of not being able to use triptans. Luckily I have a two p.m. deadline and a 2:30 PM doctor's appointment.

It is bothering me that I wrote the time in two distinctly different formats just then. But to show how casual and carefree I am nowadays, I am just going to LEAVE IT AS IS!

A bit stressed and headachey but chipper enough to drive you crazy,
Janet

I wash my hands of this!

After nearly four years of being on my condo association's board of directors (first as secretary, then as secretary/treasurer, and now as treasurer), I have felt some relief: due to my urging, we are going to hire an association management company to take over! I'll still retain my fancy title but with 99% of the work going to the management company and not to me. No more putting notices in people's boxes, asking them to clean up their yards! No more invoicing neighbors for their late, monthly condo dues! No more meeting with accountants multiple times a year to work out the books and file the taxes! No more emailing homeowners asking them to get their tenants to clean up the remnant's from Friday night's party! No more emailing association members repeatedly with getting very little in return! No more feeling guilty because I didn't do as much as I felt I should have (despite no one else doing much at all)! No more reminding people once a month that they cannot leave garbage in piles OUTSIDE of the cans! No more calling the garbage service to ask them to clean up extra mess! (See photo.)

Yay! Joy! Heaven!

There's still more work to go, but that works is OURS (and not mine), as it should have been all along. I can't say how many neighborhood-related woes have contributed to migraine attacks.

Whew.

Out of commission

I'm on day three of a Migraine attack. It flirted around a bit on Wednesday morning and decided to move in a little after noon that day. I expected a migraine the day after election day--the deflation of all that pent-up stress and worry, the sudden rush of relief, and the election-themed shots at the bar that were such a good idea at the time.

What I didn't expect was to continue feeling this way. I've been out of commission for days now! Last week it was a cold and slight fever--this week it's migraine with slight fever. My Maxalt kicked in yesterday afternoon (day 2 of migraine) right before I went to babysit. After babysitting, I had plans to drive up to Greenville to see some friends play music, and I was pleased to still feel happy and excited about this. The Maxalt had finally kicked my migraine's butt. On the way home from the show, the left side of my face started to feel pinched and a bit numb; my vision dulled a bit. The migraine was coming back.

I woke up today with a very heavy head. Tried to rest, eat a healthy breakfast, and have plenty of liquids along with my daily herbal meds. I'd taken my triptan two days in a row (twice on Wednesday; once on Thursday), so that plan was out. Perhaps some no-impact exercise would help and would me to avoid having to take my rescue meds! I headed to the YMCA and swam laps for awhile. The water felt great, and moving around in the water distracted me from the pain a bit. Unfortunately, the visit was not an entire success: the goggles were painful to wear around my seemingly swollen head, and the water pressure wasn't doing my sinuses any favors. Afterward, my ears were killing me--I've always been sensitive to water pressure, but in recent years I've gotten earaches after swimming even if I've not gone too deep. After my YMCA adventure, I was definitely worse for the wear.

I drove home with blurry eyes and took some Lortab after all. Now I feel unpleasantly loopy, tired, and out of it. Have a big translation assignment due tomorrow that I put off at first because of my mom's visit (and the election excitement); now I'm putting it off because I am in such discomfort. I hate feeling like a slacker despite my knowing that I'm physically and mentally unable to do my best (and speediest) work right now. Still I feel bad.

achy and lazy

Saturday I woke up tired. Tired and sore. Most likely that's because I stayed up pretty late Friday night and had one too many vodka-sodas. Fair enough. I didn't feel hungover OR migrainey (miracle of miracles), but I was achy and tired much of the day. When night fell, however, I was awake and energetic and inspired. J. and I had some sushi, went to see a friend play music downtown, and then rented a movie. I was in a silly, hyper, ridiculous mood until I fell asleep around 1:30.

The next night (last night, Sunday), I was up really late again. I saw a movie with my friend and, after walking home, took my nightly meds and planned to go to sleep. But THEN my beau came over to hang out, and we ended up making pizza at one in the morning (I had only snacked for dinner instead of eating a real meal, so I was hungry!) and watching a movie. Again, despite having a tired, achy day, my night was fun and silly and giggly. (I am pretty weird in real life, this I must admit--the last two evenings I exploited this trait for all its worth.)

I was wired and couldn't fall asleep last night. Eventually I shut the light off around 3:45 AM; of course that meant I didn't wake up 'til an embarrasingly late hour today. I've accomplished some things around the house (wrote a couple of emails, did the dishes, tidied up, visited with a good friend I've not seen in a LONG time, etc.), but I feel unaccomplished, tired, achy, and lazy overall. Wholly uninspired. It could be that my lovely time of the month is settling in for its visit. Perhaps the achiness is due to that. It could be because I skipped out on this week's exercise and yoga. Maybe none of the above. Maybe all of the above.

In any case, I feel like I'm watching myself from the outside, knowing that getting up and being active is the way to go. But since I have work tonight and a big editing assignment coming in the mail tomorrow, I feel like vegging while I can. So I continue in this pattern of achy laziness.

Let's hope I'm not so down on myself tomorrow.

Panama week 1

As some of you know, I went to Central America for a couple of weeks; I got back this past Saturday. Before getting there, I looked up reviews on our hotel on TripAdvisor.com and was alarmed to note that customers had problems with the service, the mold, the humidity, and the dirtiness of the hotel. Great. Before leaving for Panama City, I emailed the hotel and requested a clean, dry room with incandescent bulbs. Got no response.

Oh, the room was even worse than I'd expected! The pages of the novel I brought were wrinkly within fifteen minutes of my taking it out of my bag--that's how humid the room was. I asked for incandescent light bulbs at the front desk TWICE. I'd understand if they didn't have any, but what I didn't understand was the fact that there was utterly no response to my request. Nothing. No "I'm sorry, we don't have them," or "We'll see what we can do." Nothing. My friend/roommate/coworker was in the midst of a horrific sinus infection, so the humid and dirty room made her sick, too. The hotel problems go on and on, my friends. On and on. The second night onward we stayed in another hotel (as arranged by our very understanding boss).

The entire first week of the Panama trip had us in a conference room for up to eight hours a day looking at a projected Power Point presentation talking about editing. The sessions were informative but tedious. My coworkers were kind enough to turn off the fluorescent lights much of the time, but sitting in a desk chair looking at, in essence, a gigantic flickering computer screen on a white wall helped intensify my Migraine. Combine those workplace triggers with stress, daily thunderstorms (shifts in barometric pressure), having my period, having stayed in a mold-infested room, and really loud construction & traffic noises whenever I stepped out doors and you have a week-long Migraine attack! Ugh.

Most days I was run-down but felt better with my triptan therapy. Once I ran out of chances to take my Maxalt, I had to drug up with Lortab and hope for the best. Wednesday we left the workshop around 3:30 to take a city tour. The tour guide was a Panamanian coworker who is, indeed, a professional tour guide. Too bad I felt HORRIFIC and ended up with my head between my legs in the back of the van for the last hour of the trip. My roommate (who's also one of my very best friends) guided me up to the hotel room and brought me some sushi in bed--first time for everything!

Here's a photo of me after receiving my food tray in bed. Look how nicely the chef arranged and packed the sushi for transit after hearing that the diner was ill! (In the photo, I am making an extra-sick face for show. All the same, you can see how pale I am--it's rare that I see photos of myself taken during a migraine attack. I think they're kind of scary.

travelin' again

I'm leaving for Central America today. I'll spend the first week at a medical document editing workshop (wowsers), supposedly from 8 AM - 6 PM Monday through Friday. Please let it not be that intensive, as sitting in [what I presume will be] a fluorescently-lit room and talking about editing all day sounds rather...overwhelming? (And I'm the sort of dork who likes to talk about punctuation and spelling!)

Last time I was in Central America, I had one migraine in six weeks. Did you hear that, kids? One big'un in six weeks--and that was the day I found out my grandmother had died. I won't have the same liesurely schedule as that 2004 trip, and I'm only staying for 2 weeks and not six. But maybe...maybe...Costa Rica & Panama are the answer!

Wish me luck. I'll keep you posted if I have the means and inclination.

Thursdays are the new Migraine Days

For the past few weeks, I've been feeling okay (not great) most days but terrible on Thursdays. I don't usually work on Fridays, so maybe the famous weekend headache is kicking up on Thursday since that's when relaxation time is *supposed* to begin.

In the last hour, I found out that the editing company I now work for wants me to do an editing project in less than 24 hours. I'm working on a project already, have to work this evening at the storytelling job, and have to babysit tomorrow during the day.

I sucked it up and told them no.

A revised due date of Friday was proposed, and I said yes if I could have it done by 3. I know that tomorrow (Thursday) evening is shot since I'm having a book club meeting over here, and I'm not sure how I'll be feeling before or after that meeting. (Who knows if I'll be okay during it? I've been cancelling Thursday activities for the last few weeks...)

My personal frustrations with this situation aren't what I want to focus on here. I guess what I want to highlight is the fact that a frequent migraineur must pull into account SO many factors when making a decision, especially a decision that will affect others' lives or work. I am a dependable person most of the time, but this disease has crippled me in that I often live in fear of disappointing someone by missing a deadline or a meeting.

Oh, blah.

Time to start working while I can!

my near-death experience

Today I had one of those Migraine attacks during which I felt so awful and so sick that I gave up all my hopes and dreams and figured there's no chance in hell I'll ever accomplish even one-tenth of what I want to do. I lay in bed, afraid to move for fear of waking the nausea beast. My duties weighed heavily on my mind: call the leasing agent to talk about the bookstore; talk to the staff at the shelter about tutoring adults; clean the house; make sure everyone knows tonight's girls' night is canceled; send off those letters I keep forgetting about; make sure I have all my meds and clothes packed for this weekend's trip; oh my god I have nothing to wear to the high school reunion Saturday; oh my god why do I care?

As you can guess, it was hard for me to fall asleep and rest.

While babysitting this morning, my head acquired that good ol' stuffy feeling it's been getting most days for the last several months. Driving in the car, E., the three-year-old, was singing to herself in the backseat and her higher-pitched words pierced my ears. "Oh no," I thought, "is this the beginning?" An hour later, I was leaving the kids' house and my vision felt blurry. I tried to ignore the signs, for oftentimes they end up melting away into nothing and I feel fine and migraine-free.

That was not the case today.

I decided I needed a power nap. I woke up feeling less sleepy but more achey. I called the mom of the kids I babysit as I made soup, leaving a message in which I asked if I could call off for the afternoon. I had a Migraine and it didn't seem to be going away. If she needed me to come, I could, but I'd probably want to lie on the couch while the kids played.

I sat down with my bowl of hot soup and dipped my spoon in. The first time I brought it to my mouth, a wave of nausea overtook me and I thought I'd be sick. I stood up to ready myself for that disgusting trip to the bathroom but was too dizzy to stand. In the space of ten minutes, my Migraine had gone from tolerable to utterly debilitating. I cancelled the babysitting date for good and lay down for hours. HOURS. Two Imitrex pills, one Naproxen, and several mini-naps later, I emerged feeling woozy but pain-free.

Now I don't feel so despondent and hopeless, but today's episode did give me pause. Most Migraine attacks are ones that I can medicate quickly and all but cure. This one and the one I had two weeks ago were especially resistant to treatment, and I wondered what I'll do when one of these stubborn ones come on while I'm a bookstore owner. Who will take over last-minute? Can I put a "Back in 5...hours" sign on the door? These are issues I definitely have to work out, but I cannot--CANNOT--let them stop me from opening my business. Right?

a weight off my shoulders

As I mentioned awhile back, I was set to write an article for my city's weekly paper, Flagpole. The article's subject? The relationship among creativity and illness (mental and physical). I got lots of good tips, conducted some research, and even interviewed a few people.

Know when I turned the article into the editor? Never.

This duty has been weighing on my mind during this the worst period of Migraine pain and debility I've had in a long while. I missed out on work five or six days due to illness in the last couple of months, a marked change from missing just one once in awhile. I am having an awesome time working on bookstore stuff when I can handle it, but I've let a lot of paperwork and work commitments fall to the wayside if it was at all possible to procrastinate.

The article was really stress-inducing. Each time (truly, each time) I set aside for working just on the article I was either sick (75% of the time) or forced to do last-minute work-related things (25% of the time). Today I finally wrote to the editor to let her know I wouldn't be sending her the article any time soon--at this point, she might not even want it.

As soon as that long strip of April attacks began (the neverending headache from April 10-17, to be exact), I thought to myself, "I should nix this article idea. It's one small thing in the grand scheme of things; it's one small thing in a regular person's life. But for me it's just too heavy a commitment at this point." But I didn't admit that to myself for more than a minute at a time. Instead, I kept thinking I could get it all done. The two things I found most difficult were:
1. my perceived need to not let this kind stranger, the editor, think badly of me and,
2. my tendency to deny the fact that what I used to be able to do is not equal to what I can accomplish now--my abilities are diminished, and I hate that.

Here's what I wrote to the editor. I hope I don't come across too feeble or too annoying or too fake. Then again, I need to work on not worrying about what others think, right? Oh, I hope so.

Dear ________,

I'm embarrassed to have to write to you today. I should've written a few weeks ago, but I kept hoping that this awful bout of Migraine attacks would taper off as it usually does. I've been spending far more time lying in bed feeling bad than I have out in the world working or socializing. Weather changes can signal a particularly difficult time in a migraineur's life, but this spring has been intolerable.

All the research for the article is finished. I have rough starts of two rough drafts but nothing solid to speak of. I know we didn't establish a deadline, but it's clear to me that I am very late.

If you'd be interested in waiting to hear from me when I'm on the mend, then I'd be happy to finish up the work I've begun then--I just can't be sure when that will be. As of right now, I'm having to notify you to let you both know that I cannot fulfill my commitments right now despite my deep wish to.

I hope you can try to understand! Again, I'm really sorry.

Sincerely,

Janet Geddis
http://themigrainegirl.blogspot.com

an out of the blue attack

Usually I can feel the discomfort in my head building as the minutes pass. I have time to decide whether or not to take anything for the attack.

Tonight I was having a perfectly nice evening outdoors, working my job as a storyteller (glorified name for a book reader and literacy advocate) at an area homeless shelter. I got up, put my book bag and blanket in the car, and signed out. When I got in my car to leave, BOOM! My head was not quite right.

Could it be that I was so engrossed in the tasks at hand I didn't feel the pain until I was back in relaxed mode, ready to go home? That happens sometimes, but I don't think that was the case tonight. The last few minutes outside were very relaxed and remarkably non-worky. I just sat talking with one of the moms at the residence and didn't feel I still had to be "on."

What is happening with me these last several weeks? I'm so frustrated!

Here's a sneaking suspicion I have: something's up with my back. My sciatica? I still don't know what that is, exactly, but I know it involves the lower back and can mean a pinched nerve or tendon or muscle that triggers pain in other parts of the body. This is what I think is happening--that'd certainly explain the back pain, neck pain, and leg pain I've been having the last few days. I am waiting on a call back from my massage therapist.

Despite not feeling my best tonight, I decided to be social. Taking a cue from people I know (or whose blogs I read) with New Daily Persistent Headache and/or chronic daily headache, I am trying to still do things I enjoy despite the pain, trying not to shut out the outside world and the things I love in it in favor of lying in bed feeling bad. It worked okay tonight, and I won't be pushing myself to socialize all the times I am not up to par. Tonight I went to my friend C.'s house to eat some hamburgers, chit-chat about my eventual bookstore, and watch the obnoxiously addictive show Top Chef. I left at eleven and decided then to take Maxalt--food and relaxation didn't help curb the attack, so I drugged myself up.

Now I'm in the waiting period, hoping it works, hoping I won't have another headache soon.

Goodnight!

lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy Jane

Usually I use my laptop in the living room, propping it on my lap (sometimes on top of a big pillow) or leaning down low over the coffee table to type. THIS IS NOT GOOD PRACTICE, my friends. My hands ache from not typing the correct way; my back sometimes hurts from sitting in ways that are bad for my posture. (Let's not even talk about my bad posture.)

So, after months of laziness, I made one of my desks a desk again. I write as I look out into my backyard area: I see trees, spring green grass, and even a train going by. It's really charming.

Now I must convince myself to retain this setup and not go back to bad habits.

But first I'd love for a mysterious benefactor to send me a really good desk chair. Ha!

no work again for me today...:(

It's probably the changing of the seasons. At least that's what I'll blame for my increased jaw pain (I didn't think the constant ache could get any worse!) and general fogginess/slight pain in my head that hasn't left me alone for days.

Through my regular job, I found out about another opportunity that would get me out of the house on Friday mornings. Wanting to have a tangible reason not to sleep the morning away my only day off (excluding weekends), I thought I would take it. Delivering food to kids whose families perhaps can't afford to feed them over the weekend is an uncomplicated job. I see lots of people at several schools around the county and have a couple of hours of driving, listening to music. It's pretty pleasant, overall--and a really sweet deal. I do have to do lots of lifting and carrying of boxes, though, and that's what I just wasn't up for this morning. I woke around 8 and couldn't rid myself of the feeling of dread. I don't feel horrible at the moment, but I am fairly certain that hours of picking up and carrying boxes will mean a guaranteed, full-blown headache instead of this fuzzy pain I feel in my jaw, cheekbones, and eyes. Can't risk getting a major attack--had to cancel work.

I feel like I'm pretending, like I'm that kid on the playground who can't keep up with the rest of them so fakes a quick injury to solicit pity and have an excuse to give up. Logically, I know this is not who I am. But I feel not only guilty but lazy, unmotivated, etc. A few days ago I wrote about coping with guilt when I have to bail. I really need to get better at feeling at peace with my choice to say "No, I can't make it."