maintain a healthy weight!

Of course there are myriad benefits to staying in good shape. Now here's a press release about the link between unhealthy weight and migraine! (And more encouragement for me to gain a bit more weight and keep exercising!)

Check out the article here.

doctor's diagnosis: sinusitis

I was nervous to go to the doctor today. I called around to a few clinics and urgent care centers yesterday afternoon to see what places could take me soonest and at what price. Despite reading a couple lackluster reviews for the health center closest to me, I booked an appointment anyway. Were I needing to see someone about Migraine, perhaps I would have been a bit more cautious. But since I was going in to get some antibiotics for a seemingly routine sinus infection, I figured it wouldn't hurt to see a family doctor and hope for the best. The initial appointment is only $50 (over $110 cheaper than my second option, and 4 miles closer to my house!); after that, you pay on a sliding scale based on income information you provide to the clerk. The maximum payment for a doctor's visit is $50, however. Awesome.

It's been over two years since I had a good, old-fashioned, regular (read: non-neurologist, non-ER) doctor's appointment and I was pretty nervous. I prepare myself for a meeting with someone who might not be a good listener, who might not be warm and caring. Despite his being warm and kind, my former neurologist was not the best listener--his NPs were atrocious, but that's a whole other story.

This feels silly, to be basking in the glow of a great doctor's appointment. Who does this? Someone who has been treated as if she were just another routine appointment to check off the list during a very long, very typical day? I'm not sure. Someone who's used to people trying to play her (contractors for home improvements, car repair folks, insurance companies)? Maybe. In any case, I was really happy with almost every aspect of my time spent at the place.

First off, I must give props (ew--I've never said that before and hope never to again; I'll keep it in to remind myself of that solemn oath) to the receptionist I spoke with yesterday afternoon when making the appointment. She heard how stuffed up I was and was really warm and very helpful: "Oh, honey, you don't sound good! Let me see if I can squeeze you in tomorrow morning. And I'll call you if something opens up this afternoon!"

Despite my better intentions, I drove to the center instead of walking. Hey, it was raining and I felt sick and the .9 mile drive probably didn't kill the environment all that much. By the time I left, the rain was POURING down and I was grateful to have a car. I walked in to a room half-full of families of various races. Seemed most people had colds or the flu--it is a rainy December, after all. The guy at the desk was really friendly, even when I walked up to the window after an hour to ask when I would be seen. Yeah, that was the frustrating part--my ten o'clock appointment ended up being at 11:05. Alas. Luckily I didn't have anything better to do than sit and read.

Oh, oh! The WAITING ROOM! I'd brought my red-tinted shady glasses to protect my little eyeballs and brain from the inevitable fluorescent lights, and guess what? The waiting room was softly lit with low-wattage incandescent bulbs. Oh, what a relief, especially when the wait was a bit long! Even my highly revered neurologist, a headache specialist, has glaring fluorescents in the waiting room. (I really don't mean to rag on him and his staff so much--apparently I have some pent-up bitterness!)

I got weighed and was a bit disappointed--turns out the post-Zonegran weight I successfully gained has, for the most part, dropped off again. Still technically underweight by a couple pounds, but I don't look creepy-skinny or anything. Not at all. I waited in the exam room for a while between nurse and doctor visits, but I passed the time by reading an outdated People--I hadn't realized just how bad the writing and stories and fluff had gotten! Not my style. The doctor walked in and I immediately felt a sense of relief--she was young, smiling, and genuinely apologetic about the supposedly atypical wait. She seemed knowledgeable about Migraine disease, patiently listened to my whole story of the cold-turned-sinus-trouble, and made some OTC drug recommendations as she prescribed an antibiotic. I mentioned something else troublesome to her and she was really comforting and helpful on that front, too--more on that later. For now I'm freaking myself out a bit over a symptom that could very well be nothing, so I'll just wait it out 'til I forget about it again.

All in all, I was really pleased--can you tell? What a sense of relief! How great to have a ten- or fifteen-minute appointment with a doctor who listens, who's friendly, and who didn't act like I was crazy when I mentioned weird symptoms I was concerned about. Three cheers for new doctor! I have a checkup next week. If I'm still this infatuated, maybe she will become my regular family doctor! Yippee.

Very sleepy and very sinusy and very drugged up.

No significant migraine pain for eight days, kids. EIGHT DAYS! True I have this sinusitis frustration, but it sure does beat a migraine episode!

a note to those who are considering Zonegran

I was just on MyMigraineConnection.com, perusing articles and looking up information on Zonegran withdrawal symptoms. To my chagrin, there's a general lack of specificity when it comes to lists of withdrawal symptoms. As the drug is prescribed off-label for Migraines (it's an epilepsy treatment), the medical websites all tend to point out that one should exercise caution while weaning off Zonegran due to increased risk of seizure and "other side effects--talk to your doctor."

So far my withdrawal process has been a lot easier than I'd expected. I'm halfway through and am sure my happiness with daily life has a great deal to do with my increased energy (a combination of getting off the energy-zapping Zonegran and getting all that B2 in my vitamins and my Petadolex, as I have mentioned before). Today I really took a turn for the worse, however, and hope hope hope it was just for one day.

Last night I went downtown with friends for a low-key night of chatting and carousing. Around 9:30 I decided to walk home, feeling a headache coming on. It was such a low-grade pain that I figured getting into bed early with a book and some chamomile tea would heal me right up. Boy, was I wrong. A raging Migraine headache took over within an hour of my arrival home. My stomach felt swirly but I was too nauseated to fetch a wastebasket to use as my emergency receptacle should I become sick to my stomach. (Luckily I didn't end up needing this option in the first place.)

This morning I woke up in a foul mood. A gray mood. A gray mood with fiery, jagged edges that caused me to lash out at everything from my boyfriend (who was suffering from a Migraine himself) to the dishes in the sink to the broom to my neglected plants. I. WAS. EXTRAORDINARILY. ANGRY. AND. BITTER. For no known reason. The closest I've come to such unreasonable anger would be in times of PMS, but I just finished my period, and this mood was far more sour and impossible to climb out of than any routine PMS funk.

What was I going through today? I see that agitation and irritability are side effects of Zonegran withdrawal; they can also accompany some people's postdrome stage, though feeling anger at this stage is infrequent for me.

In my rather fruitless search for Zonegran withdrawal symptoms, I did find a few pages on MyMigraineConnection.com on which people solicited the advice of others who may've tried Zonegran--what's our opinion of the drug as a Migraine treatment?

Here's my response. For those of you who read my blog frequently, you'll see nothing new. But it felt good to put it on paper--er, screen.

I have been on Zonegran for 22 months. The frequency, severity, and duration of my Migraine attacks decreased overall, but I still had super-duper Migraine months (especially during hot Augusts or stressful holiday times, for example) and was relying on my acute medication, Relpax, just as much as ever.

For me, the side effects of Zonegran far outweighed the positive. My doctor mentioned the possibility of some side effects, but both he and the drug literature mentioned that the effects would probably go away within 4-6 weeks. This was not the case for me. I lost a LOT of weight and the more bothersome side effects--memory loss, difficulty word-finding, near-constant fatigue, and simply a general feeling of dumbness!--were harder to pin down and took longer to emerge. I thought I was going nuts until I found a whole community of people out there who'd had the same things going on in their brains.

I'm now going through the withdrawal process and will be off Zonegran in three weeks. Petadolex is my new herbal drug of choice, and thus far it's working well!

my spelling has gone to the dogs

I pride myself on my keen eye for language, my editor's knack for spotting grammatical and punctuation errors in the blink of an eye. Terrible spelling quite literally makes my stomach turn at times, and when people don't know how to make things plural or possessive (or, god forbid, plural-possessive!), I am simply beside myself.

Something else I have always been known for? My memory. It is definitely one of my strengths. I can remember words, faces, places, times, and events quite well.

But all this changed without my quite realizing it. All this changed in the last year or so, the year during which I took Zonegran. I'm still taking it but am finally to the point where I've decided to go off (with my doctor's help, of course, as weaning oneself off any drug like that is not a task to undertake alone!).

"Difficulty word-finding, problems with short-term memory," and "weight loss" were listed as side effects of Zonegran that might effect some but would go away within the first 6 weeks or so. For me, I wasn't terribly effected in the first several weeks. I joked about it at first and wasn't sure if the verbal stumbling I experienced now and again had been worsened by the drug. Not even in the first couple of months did I notice much. Who knows? Maybe there wasn't much to notice at first. For a side effect as elusive as "difficulty word-finding," it's not easy to pinpoint where the problem begins and ends. All I can tell you is that several months ago (which was several months after being on Zonegran), I was talking with my boyfriend and found myself increasingly frustrated with my inability to come up with the simple word I was looking for. That frustration led me to think back to other moments in my recent past when I'd not been able to come up with the words I'd been looking for, when I'd not been as clear in my writing or speech as the Old Me.

When I type, letters come together on the screen to form words I've known how to spell for decades. But suddenly I don't know how to spell things I mastered in third grade. "Is it 'i before e except after c'? Okay, yeah. That looks right." I write letters and find myself scratching out words time and time again, having to rewrite them until I get the spelling right. This is not like Regular Me, Old Me. (The end of that sentence back there? I wrote "write" at first instead of "right." For a perfectionist like me, that's not a mistake I'd make frequently, yet these days I do it daily.)

I could go on and on. I can't vividly recall conversations I've had as I used to, I can't remember how I know someone whose face is ever-so-familiar. A couple months ago, I spent lots of time with one of my best friends who lives in Europe. I expressed my reservations about my brain, about how dumb I've been feeling lately, about how I hoped it was the drug I was on and not me that was screwing with my thoughts and spelling and writing and speech. She revealed to me that she'd noticed a marked change over the course of the last several months. (She saw me when I first got on Zonegran a year prior to this conversation, then again once every few months.) She said if she'd never met me before I'd still come across as smart, but that having known me before and now, I certainly don't come across as intelligent-sounding in my writing and speech.

That really hit home.

I know there are other factors that could be (and probably are) influencing my brain right now. I'm not taking any classes, but that doesn't explain this. I did a more extensive search online for Zonegran and more of its *real* side effects (i.e., what patients say and not necessarily what comes across in clinical trials) and found MANY people who had to quit taking it due to memory loss, inability to spell and write, etc.

I won't even get into the weight it's caused me to lose.

So now I shall deal with having to go off of the meds. I don't know where I'll go from here. I don't want to go on more preventive daily medication, but the frequency of my Migraine headaches may call for it. I'm so tired of looking for The Answer. An Answer. I wish it would just go away.

Headache #5 of the month rollin' on in,
The Migraine Girl