alive and well!

I don't know what my deal has been lately--I just haven't felt like posting on either of my blogs very often. Could it have something to do with the whirlwind past couple of weeks I had? February 21 was my 29th birthday, February 22 I flew out of Atlanta to Buenos Aires, and February 23 until now I've been in "the Paris of South America" trying to balance personal needs and the strong desire to spend every waking moment on these lovely avenues. It's still summer here, so spending too much time outside during the day in the sun is not a healthy option, as overexertion, excess heat, and excess sun are all migraine triggers for me. I've had one wine glass too many during a few dinners, but I've had no next-day migraine, just some grogginess. The last couple of nights I've had lots of water (no alcohol) and still woke up today a big groggy. That might be another subject for another time: I'm wondering why, for the last several weeks, I wake up feeling really heavy-headed and groggy--often waking up and walking around the house/sitting up tends to help. Congestion?

I hope you East Coasters are coping with the snow! Yesterday I wished I was with you; now that Monday has rolled around and the Georgia snow has become cased in dangerous ice, I'm grateful to be here where it's 80 degrees and sunny.

I've been doing yoga in the pool of our building's courtyard!

I've NOT been sticking to my diet very well: turns out nearly every meal option has enriched flour and/or cheese/cream on it. Well-cooked (i.e., not boiled to death) veggies and fresh fruits are harder to come by than I'd thought.

Hope to check in with you soon. Thanks as always for being there to be my sounding board, and sorry I've been missing the boat on some migraine action events lately.

could it really be that simple?

Were it not for overindulging on New Year's Eve (um, oops), I would probably still be having a migraine-free 2009. On the evening of the 31st, it'd been nine days since my last attack. As of 8 AM on the 1st, however, I was back at square one. That time I knew precisely who was the culprit: me and my re-found affection for white wine. Yes, it's true--I'm drinking that delicious nectar again, but with at LEAST 16 oz. of water with every glass of wine. Worked out well for me 'til NYE when I made the mistake of having a nightcap. Turns out wine is a bit more alcoholic than what I'm used to drinking.

But that's somewhat besides the point.

For the first time, I really, truly believe that I can get this disease under control. I'm following my doctor's orders, yes, but I'm not doing too much that's out of the ordinary. In general, I'm doing things I've always known to be good for me, things that I've let slip out of my life for one reason or another. As I've mentioned here before, the regular exercise has already proven to be quite the boon. It was nice to be validated by my new doctor, told that even long walks would give me a boost in serotonin. I don't need to swim at sprint-speed for an hour or even turn my walk into a run--I can just walk briskly five times a week and reap the benefits of exercise. It took some effort to let go of the notion that an "in shape" person should be able to jog or swim laps for much longer than I can without getting winded. Truth is, I'm not in the best shape. Another truth is that my body doesn't like it too much when I overexert myself (migraine trigger alert!), so why not take it easy and work my way up to some gentle exercise that fits the bill and makes me feel better?

A few days ago, I walked by the Habitat for Humanity parking lot on a walk. "Girl, you need to be runnin'!" a worker loading boxes called out to me. I do believe that a few months (or even years) ago I would have felt a bit bad after hearing this, simply knowing that I SHOULD be able to run and jump and do the activities a healthier person can. But this day was different. "Nah, I'm more of a walker," I called back, to which the man responded with a smile: "All right, all right!" I could have cited the arthritis in my knees, my bouts with sciatica, and my tendency to develop a migraine when I overexert myself. But I didn't. I just admitted that I'm more of a walker and kept on going. And you know what? I wasn't hard on myself afterward. I didn't spend too much time harping on the differences between my super-in-shape self of the early 90s (when I was a pre-teen, mind you!) and the 28-year-old I am today. I just kept going, and I felt great. There is a joy in being able to move and exercise without pain; you don't need to overdo it in order to feel accomplished. If there's one thing I've learned in these 2+ months of exercising healthily, it's that it's important to do what's right for you and not judge yourself by the standards set forth by fitness experts and marathon runners. Just do what you can. I do, and I hope to continue doing this.

Most of the other recommendations from the doctor were pretty simple, too. Eat well, treat my body well, and the like. J., my beau, pointed out the fact that many of the doctor's tips were tips he'd recommended for us long ago. Eat more fresh fruit and vegetables. Try to cut out dairy. J. hadn't called the "weed out white and enriched flour" bit, but that wasn't surprising. White and enriched flour is rougher on your system if you're sensitive like me and have IBS.

I keep reflecting on my wonderful visit and wishing more people could meet with this same doctor and have success. Were I you, I'd be skeptical. All the same, I'm putting it out there: I'm convinced that this person could help many of the people reading this. No, I'm not going to post his name and information (though if you are convinced by my admiration you can email me for details). He diagnosed me with several diseases/disorders I'd long since guessed I'd had, but didn't diagnose in a way I perceived as threatening or upsetting. He just verified my suspicions: I have mild depression, chronic fatigue (but not necessarily chronic fatigue syndrome, mind you), arthritis, allodynia (which I suspected I had on my scalp but had no idea was related to the bruised feeling I often have on my arms, legs, and torso!), Migraine disease (duh), irritable bowl syndrome (IBS), hypersensitivity, and mucositis (inflammation of the mucus membranes--mine is chronic but should be helped with my new regimen). I felt vindicated and relieved--all of these seemingly disparate symptoms I've been suffering from for a long time were all named, and all of them were related to my naturally low serotonin levels. The doctor is convinced that regulating my serotonin levels will allow me to live a happier, more productive, and less painful life. He pointed out how much better I'd been feeling since I started exercising and said that the exercise, combined with a diet that's easier on my system and some other exercise and relaxation techniques, I could cut out the majority of my migraines.

Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Every day I make a smoothie chock full of good things for me--blueberries, pomegranate juice, tea, oatmeal soaked in rice milk, flaxseed, and some supplements. Each morning and night I take supplements/vitamins, a few of which I've been taking for a couple of years now. Five days a week I'm to engage in "gentle exercise" for 30-60 minutes, depending on how long it takes for me to reach the peak when I have the endorphin rush. I've been exercising 45-70 minutes when I go out and walk. Tomorrow I'll call and sign myself up for therapeutic yoga class (which I convinced Handicapped Twin to go to, too!); soon I'll buy a book on mindful meditation (the main form of meditation that has lots of good research behind it, hence the hospital being able to endorse it). The more I do for myself, the better and more hopeful I feel. I've already begun returning more to what I consider my "real" self--making calls to distant loved ones with more frequency, writing letters again (something I was once famous for but sort of dropped in recent times), and persuing creative activity. Hell, I even enrolled in the Sketchbook Project and am trying my hand at drawing, something I never thought I'd do.

I'm happy. I really hope you are, too. I hate the fact that I might sound as if I'm proselytizing, but it's hard to hold back when you've been hopeless for so long and suddenly see concrete evidence that your life is changing for the better. I dare any of you who've made it through this entire blog entry to start exercising a few days a week to the best of your ability and see if you don't feel better. I dare you!

Happy 2009. Love love love.

Out of commission

I'm on day three of a Migraine attack. It flirted around a bit on Wednesday morning and decided to move in a little after noon that day. I expected a migraine the day after election day--the deflation of all that pent-up stress and worry, the sudden rush of relief, and the election-themed shots at the bar that were such a good idea at the time.

What I didn't expect was to continue feeling this way. I've been out of commission for days now! Last week it was a cold and slight fever--this week it's migraine with slight fever. My Maxalt kicked in yesterday afternoon (day 2 of migraine) right before I went to babysit. After babysitting, I had plans to drive up to Greenville to see some friends play music, and I was pleased to still feel happy and excited about this. The Maxalt had finally kicked my migraine's butt. On the way home from the show, the left side of my face started to feel pinched and a bit numb; my vision dulled a bit. The migraine was coming back.

I woke up today with a very heavy head. Tried to rest, eat a healthy breakfast, and have plenty of liquids along with my daily herbal meds. I'd taken my triptan two days in a row (twice on Wednesday; once on Thursday), so that plan was out. Perhaps some no-impact exercise would help and would me to avoid having to take my rescue meds! I headed to the YMCA and swam laps for awhile. The water felt great, and moving around in the water distracted me from the pain a bit. Unfortunately, the visit was not an entire success: the goggles were painful to wear around my seemingly swollen head, and the water pressure wasn't doing my sinuses any favors. Afterward, my ears were killing me--I've always been sensitive to water pressure, but in recent years I've gotten earaches after swimming even if I've not gone too deep. After my YMCA adventure, I was definitely worse for the wear.

I drove home with blurry eyes and took some Lortab after all. Now I feel unpleasantly loopy, tired, and out of it. Have a big translation assignment due tomorrow that I put off at first because of my mom's visit (and the election excitement); now I'm putting it off because I am in such discomfort. I hate feeling like a slacker despite my knowing that I'm physically and mentally unable to do my best (and speediest) work right now. Still I feel bad.

achy and lazy

Saturday I woke up tired. Tired and sore. Most likely that's because I stayed up pretty late Friday night and had one too many vodka-sodas. Fair enough. I didn't feel hungover OR migrainey (miracle of miracles), but I was achy and tired much of the day. When night fell, however, I was awake and energetic and inspired. J. and I had some sushi, went to see a friend play music downtown, and then rented a movie. I was in a silly, hyper, ridiculous mood until I fell asleep around 1:30.

The next night (last night, Sunday), I was up really late again. I saw a movie with my friend and, after walking home, took my nightly meds and planned to go to sleep. But THEN my beau came over to hang out, and we ended up making pizza at one in the morning (I had only snacked for dinner instead of eating a real meal, so I was hungry!) and watching a movie. Again, despite having a tired, achy day, my night was fun and silly and giggly. (I am pretty weird in real life, this I must admit--the last two evenings I exploited this trait for all its worth.)

I was wired and couldn't fall asleep last night. Eventually I shut the light off around 3:45 AM; of course that meant I didn't wake up 'til an embarrasingly late hour today. I've accomplished some things around the house (wrote a couple of emails, did the dishes, tidied up, visited with a good friend I've not seen in a LONG time, etc.), but I feel unaccomplished, tired, achy, and lazy overall. Wholly uninspired. It could be that my lovely time of the month is settling in for its visit. Perhaps the achiness is due to that. It could be because I skipped out on this week's exercise and yoga. Maybe none of the above. Maybe all of the above.

In any case, I feel like I'm watching myself from the outside, knowing that getting up and being active is the way to go. But since I have work tonight and a big editing assignment coming in the mail tomorrow, I feel like vegging while I can. So I continue in this pattern of achy laziness.

Let's hope I'm not so down on myself tomorrow.

tired of being tired

I'm so tired all the time. I've a sneaking suspicion this has to do with the weather, as pollen has permeated every breath I take for a couple of months now. When I'm not in the Georgia air, I am traveling--and traveling makes me tired, too.

When I first started taking Petadolex and rid myself of Zonegran, I was happily shocked at the energy boost I felt. "Wow," thought I, "turns out it's not normal to want to take a nap ALL THE TIME." I wanted to do things; I cleaned the house without complaint while blasting music or This American Life (my life's blood).

But recently I've become tired again. In the last week, I've attempted to go to bed at the same time each night and rise at the same time each morning. Maybe I'm getting too much sleep at once? (In a week I've not yet avoided my obnoxious pattern of waking up in the 3-5 AM range--grr.) I get up and at 'em and have even been getting exercise recently. Seems like the new me would be ready and rarin' to go.

But no. I just want to close my eyes. Is it working on the computer? Maybe, but not being on the computer doesn't guarantee wakefulness. Instead of my long walks resulting in an energy boost, I want to curl my sweaty self up on the couch and doze off for awhile. Driving makes me tired. Reading makes me tired. Walking makes me tired. Immobility makes me tired.

What to do?

Oh! One more thing. Maybe this nugget is my savior, the piece of the puzzle that will soon right itself and make it so I can live energetically again. I cut out caffeine completely about two weeks ago. I had cut down a lot and was only having caffeinated coffee when headachey or (in one case) slightly hungover. But after one cup I'd switch to decaf (a la my parents).

Now I'm clean, kids. I'M CLEAN! But I'm tired. The boost that caffeine provides is brief, I know, so having a cup of joe is not the solution.

I ingest six BILLION* pills of riboflavin (B2) each day and take my multivitamin in the morning. I have been eating breakfast, including delicious fruit smoothies and chock-full-o-goodness juices and snacks.

What gives? Does anyone see something obvious happening that would explain my sleepiness, my laziness? Am I missing the obvious or am I doomed to a sleepy existence forever!?

* or so it seems

The King of Migraines

I've read about Elvis having had severe Migraine problems before; I've read on reputable health websites that many of the drugs found in his system during the autopsy were treatments (both OTC and not) for his Migraine disease.

This article, though nearly a decade old, tells how the medical community and reporters found out about Elvis's health information.

http://www.migraines.org/new/news9904.htm

Interesting. Sad.

(photo courtesy of www.elvispresleynews.com/ElvisMedicalReport.html)

Merry Migraine!

Holiday parties are coming. Strike that--holiday parties are here. And it's only the first full weekend of December. Friday night there were two parties, and I had a slight Migraine headache before we even got to the first get-together, which started at five or so. A funny thing happened at the first gathering: I hung out with professors from the graduate program I finished a while back and did a lot of the obligatory catch-up talk. Somehow I had the energy to do this, putting my headache on the back burner while I laughed and talked with old classmates and teachers. The moment my boyfriend and I left the house and walked to my car, the pulsating pressure returned to my temples and the left side of my forehead. While most of the pain was gone (I'd taken my Relpax before the party), I didn't feel ready for the night ahead.

Instead of looking forward to the next party, I merely felt overwhelmed by the social commitments that lay ahead. As we drove toward the next party, I thought to myself, "I'm only 25% done with this weekend's parties. And I've barely scratched the surface of all the December obligations!" My head pounded more insistently. I thought about driving the car home and just staying there.

I trucked on, though. And the Migraine came back full-force the next morning. And the morning after that. (Granted, I'd had a few drinks Friday and Saturday nights, but the drinks were vodka and I drank in moderation. Usually clear alcohol + water consumption + not overdoing it = no Migraine!)

The holiday season doesn't seem like it should be particularly stressful for me--I have a laid-back family and no one obsesses over gift-giving or party-throwing or keeping with meticulous customs. But I tend to get pretty headachey each year anyway. Why is that?

Paying for medication is extra-stressful when I want to spend my money on plane tickets to visit loved ones or gifts for friends and family (or myself, dammit!). But extra headaches mean extra calls to the pharmacy. More $120 charges for Relpax, here we come! Another $135 neurologist appointment is coming up, as is more monthly medication.

But let's look on the bright side. The holiday season doesn't have to mean focusing on others, what they want, parties they're throwing, commitments we're expected to fulfill, etc. What is it we're told over and over again? Oh yes--the season is about giving. Let's learn from this.

1. Give to yourself.

If you're not up for a party, don't go. Pushing yourself could mean you make yourself sick. Maybe it won't, but why risk it? You are THE most important thing in your life. (Or one of the most important, if you have others you're very close to!) Take care of yourself. Don't stretch yourself too thin.

Maybe you could pamper yourself a little bit. Have you ever had a massage? Oh, I highly recommend this. A tip for you: be sure to tell the massage therapist about your Migraine patterns and any spots on your body (esp. back or neck) that when tight and in pain might be triggers. An experienced masseur will know how to treat you. My massage therapist is a TMJ specialist and dons some latex gloves so she can massage way back in my cheeks, relieving my TMJ like you wouldn't believe.

2. Expect that others will be there for you, too. 'Cause they will!
Your friends want you to be well. I'm guessing that they're aware of your Migraine disease (or whatever chronic pain disorder you might have). If you need to bow out of get-togethers, if you're overwhelmed and need to leave a party early, or if (as in my case), if you can't afford to get as many Christmas gifts as you'd like because your "extra" money goes to prescription drugs, that's okay! And your friends will understand. That's why they're your friends. Trust that they'll be there for you.


Merry Christmas to me! I guess I'm buying myself some drugs.
I wish you all well.

*If all goes as planned, this will be part of the HeadacheBlogCarnival. Link to follow.

to drink or not to drink

You may recall that I gave up drinking wine well over a year ago, finally admitting to myself that it was an undeniable and evil Migraine trigger for me. Shortly thereafter, beer was added to the list and, after much whining and denial, I finally stopped drinking it. I'll have a bottle now and then if I'm really craving it, but never enough to bring on a headache. Wah. I miss beer.

In hearing about Dr. David Buchholz's relative obsession with foods that trigger Migraine, I thought he said that clear alcohols weren't a trigger at all for many people. Perhaps I misread. According to this NPR article, Buchholz holds that all alcohols are a trigger but there seems to be a scale of what affects Migraineurs the most. Red wine as at the high end of the spectrum (meaning it is a very common, serious trigger) and we decrease from there according to the liquids' transparency--hence vodka being being on the low end. (See NPR article for Buchholz's exact quote, or search for his original studies if you'd like.) Buchholz has a book that I've never read called Heal Your Headache: The 1-2-3 Program. Apparently there's some debate in the neurology field over whether or not controlling foods you eat can control your headache patterns as it did for the woman in the article. I am fearful of such an approach, as I'm not sure at all of what I would eat. What's left? Even cutting out onions and bananas sounds nightmarish.

If anyone's tried this approach and has feedback for us, let us know!

Bye-bye, beloved beer..

Or, "triggers creeping out of the woodwork"

I love beer. I don't tend to over-indulge, but boy oh boy do I enjoy sitting on my screened-in porch on a warm day and slowly slugging back a cold one. I relish the thought of being at my family reunions, a fancy keg of microbrewed beer only paces away from where we sit in the gazebo--I walk over and have just half a pint more before bed. (Now as I write I feel I must acknowledge that this past summer I didn't let myself have much of this beer, even on nights when we drank more than one. I'd have a little bit of the hoppy microbrew and then switch to something less fancy and lighter, like Yeungling or, god forbid, Bud Light. I felt not-so-well if I had more than one heavy beer, and my sister, who'd once been a Migraineur herself, felt the same way. Hmm...)

But something's been happening in the last couple of months, something new and utterly unwelcome: beer has become a harsh Migraine trigger. At first I only noticed this if I imbibed a couple too many on a weekend night and woke up the next morning with a Migraine. I told myself that I deserved this, knowing all the while that know one ever deserves Migraine headache pain. But then it started to happen when I only had a couple and was far from getting that hazy beer buzz.

Earlier this week I ventured out of my self-imposed Beer Hiatus and tried to see if maybe this beer trigger was a fabrication, that maybe there were other triggers in the environment I had been unaware of at the time of those Migraine episodes. I had a couple light beers at my friends' house while staying there overnight on Tuesday. Everything was fine. Whew.

Had one--just one--on Wednesday while at another couple's house for dinner. A Corona with a lime this time. Not my favorite, but I figured it was safe. Still all clear. Thank goodness.

Last night I had three free beers at an opening downtown and was sick with Migraine by midnight. (I had paced myself ever-so-slowly, having one at 6:30-ish, one at 7, and one at 8:30.) Was it the fact that this beer was stronger in flavor and ingredients? (It was a locally-made pale ale, not a light beer as I had had earlier that week.)

Is it possible that certain types of beers are okay?

I read online once that a well-respected neurologist believes that most Migraine triggers can be traced back to food and drink intake. When people name alcohol as a trigger, he doesn't think all alcohol needs to be cut. Apparently some clear alcohols such as vodka are safe for some.

I don't know if I want to experiment much more, at least for the time being, but if anyone has any feedback he or she'd be interested in posting, I'm all ears.

Thankful to be feeling up to par again, hours later,
me...

to sleep or not to sleep?

In one of my first entries, I mentioned that caffeine can be a migraine trigger but that it can also help prevent Migraine. Last night I said that stress can be a trigger, but that the sudden lifting of stress can also cause a headache to begin.

Added to this precarious list is SLEEP. Too little sleep = Migraine. Too much? Yep, you've got it: Migraine. Last night I deliberately ignored the alarm-setting period and fell into a peaceful, dream-filled sleep. I wanted to catch up on the sleep I missed throughout my week, and I sure did do that: 12-13 hours after putting myself to rest, I woke up feeling...unrefreshed and groggy. I did it again: too much sleep made me feel ill.

What is the perfect balance? There's no special perfect balance for any of the potential triggers I've mentioned. Sometimes four hours of sleep is just enough to make you feel great; other times, it's way too little and I'll wake up with a throbbing head.

Some days, this Migraine puzzle seems so complicated and intricate I just want to give up. I suppose I need to focus on just one aspect at a time, which will take months (years!) but will perhaps yield some results.

Tonight's experiments? Laying off the alcohol (which rarely acts as a trigger) just to see...