Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction

Last week, I started formal training in MBSR, mindfulness-based stress reduction. I sound a bit stodgy calling it "formal training," but that description serves to differentiate my class experience from the half-assed mindfulness meditation I've been attempting on my own (with varying degrees of success).

I'm still at the point where, in the first few seconds after hearing the word "meditation," I think of chanting and swamis ordering me to completely clear my mind. I think of orange robes, big gongs, and Asia. I think of hippies and LSD. Yes, I am operating entirely on stereotype.

But after those first impressions have passed, I begin to think of meditation for what it is in my life, for what it is to me. Mindful meditation does not ask you to magically erase your mind. Mindfulness encourages you to be completely in tune and at peace with what's going on, to focus on the present and only the present. There's no point in scolding yourself for a wandering mind: the mind's nature is to wander, and that wandering is part of the mindfulness process. The key is to notice that your mind is drifting and then to bring it back gently to whatever you're trying to focus on.

I'm not doing the program justice. Do a google search, download some mindfulness tapes, enroll in a class. Jon Kabat-Zinn, one of the main folks who popularized mindfulness, has written (or co-written) several books on the process, and several of those books are accompanied by CDs. Worth the investment.

My instructor told us that if we could keep a journal about our mindfulness meditation practices, we'd learn a lot about the nature of our individual minds and would also notice patterns of thought. This evening I listened to a CD track of the body scan, a 30-minute process during which you slowly and methodically focus on one body part at a time. It can be extremely calming, but tonight I was just not into it. More than once I thought about getting up and turning the stereo off. I kept going, though, continually redirecting my thoughts as I got distracted again, and again, and again by potentially stressful things in my life.

So far I am most easily distracted by my to-do list. I have so much to do, so little time. And when I do have time, I waste some of it on frivolity. Other times I am not feeling at my best physically but beat myself up for not being able to plow through the discomfort in order to keep trucking.

In any case, the to-do list popped up over and over as I meditated, and I continually redirected my focus to whatever body part I was *supposed* to be focusing on. And you know what? About half the time it worked. I feel a lot more calm than 45 minutes ago before I hit "play," and I'm glad I didn't turn off the CD. The times you are most tempted to NOT engage in stress-relieving activities are most likely the times you need the most stress relief. Note to self: remember this.

Has anyone else tried MBSR? If so, any reports from the field?

stuffy head or migraine?

I'm not sure if it's my freshly diagnosed autoimmune issue, my mucositis (yech), or just bad luck, but I've gotten lots more colds in the last couple of years than I ever had before. I don't mind them so much--sometimes I enjoy the scratchy, sultry voice (it allows me sing in lower registers as I belt along with the radio in my car--I'm amazing).

Perhaps it's not the frequency of colds but their duration that has changed in recent years. I used to get a cold for 2-3 days and then have little to no trace of it left. Nowadays it seems my cold develops slowly and takes a long time to leave. This one's been around for at least a week and a half. It started with sneezing and stuffy-headed-ness. Then it moved into my throat, where it settled in and made it hard for me to speak loudly enough for people to understand me well. After my voice started coming back early last week, I figured the cold was on its way out. WRONG. It moved back into my head, focusing mainly on the left side of my sinus cavity.

Here's the rub: I can't always tell the difference between the beginning stages of a migraine and sinus congestion. From what I understand, a lot of migraineurs confuse the two. (Let's not rehash the sinus headache issue here, though.) This past Wednesday, I went to bed early with a congested head; I woke in the middle of the night a couple of times because my head was so heavy and it was hard to breathe. After awaking Thursday and walking around the house a bit, I realized I was not suffering from just sinus congestion: I had a migraine that was rapidly progressing. I kicked myself for not having taken a triptan in the middle of the night.

But it had been so hard to tell the difference between sinus pressure & the early stages of migraine!

This morning I awoke with so much sinus congestion on the left that I immediately opened my bedside table drawer to get a Maxalt tab. There was no such tab in the drawer, so, favoring another hour in bed over getting up to look for my triptan pill, I took a nasal decongestent (I have an emergency drug arsenal next to my bed, of course). Upon waking in earnest, I dared to try my neti pot again. (Months ago I had a strange experience wherein using my neti pot led to an immediate and severe migraine--not sure how I screwed up, but I did and it HURT. I've been scared to try the pot again ever since despite its having worked wonders pre-pain-incident.) I can't claim that any one thing cured today's head issues, but the decongestent + neti pot flush rid me of the migrainey feeling I had. Interesting.

Do any migraineurs (or folks with sinus problems like me) have any tips as to how to know when to use a triptan and when to focus on the sinuses? How do you tell the difference between the beginning of a migraine and a side effect of sinus problems?

stop faking it, people--you're giving us a bad name!

This makes me angry!

Figures it'd be something frustrating to get me back here on the blog after such a long absence. When I first read this headline ("Migraines now top excuse for calling in sick,") I was ready to fill out a comment on the Telegraph's page. I can hear myself starting to preach now: "You really should have used the word "reason," not "excuse." Migraine is a disease, not a..." You guys know the drill.

Imagine my surprise to find out that the word choice in the article title was right on!

If you are a migraine sufferer and are willing to be open with your boss(es), then more power to you: you increase awareness of the disease when you are honest about why you can't be at work. Yes, there are risks. Yes, that bitter woman in the back might snicker at you yet again and think you're a wimp who can't handle a headache. You know what? Screw her! Take care of yourself.

If you are NOT a migraine sufferer, then don't use our illness as a reason for you to take a vacation day. Admitting that you're faking it doesn't really help your case or ours: it just makes people less likely to believe all of us next time they hear the word "migraine."

April Headache & Migraine Blog Carnival posted!

A helpful potpourri of writers' favorite posts from the past month. Enjoy!

the joys of being a woman!

some of my favorite things to bring my headachey self some relief:
delicious cafe, reading, and my rose-tinted, anti-fluorescent glasses

Each blessed month, I am so proud to be graced with an entire week of cramps, headaches, exaggerated achiness, remarkably spectacular swings in mood, irritability with the people I love most, and--best of all--I get to deal with my Feminine Products nearly every hour on the hour for a couple of days! IT'S AWESOME.

But the migraine that accompanies this monthly extravaganza of womanhood is probably the best part of it. It's so great that after a couple days of using triptans I'm not allowed to use any more. That means I get to take ineffective rescue meds and just bask in the glory of my brain chemistry, thinking of how every action I take brings me pain and there's relatively little I can do about it until my period is gone.

Today we are on day one of not being able to use triptans. Luckily I have a two p.m. deadline and a 2:30 PM doctor's appointment.

It is bothering me that I wrote the time in two distinctly different formats just then. But to show how casual and carefree I am nowadays, I am just going to LEAVE IT AS IS!

A bit stressed and headachey but chipper enough to drive you crazy,
Janet

I think more than I write.

I think about writing many times a day. That is to say, many times a day I find myself thinking about writing. During my evening walks, I look around my neighborhood and think about all the deep, meaningful things I could say. Of all the wry observations I could make. Of all the silly commentaries I could provide to entertain myself.

But when I get back home again, I don't write. I've neglected my blogs, my letters, and my journals. I've neglected my email. I just haven't felt like writing when actually presented with the chance.

The angel on my shoulder encourages me and fills my head with stuff and nonsense: Janet, you're not writing because you don't yet know how to express all the deep, impressive, and wonderfully moving thoughts you're having. You have a Master's degree with a focus on creativity theory: you know that you must incubate before you can produce an original idea, an original creation! You're just incubating!

The cynical, self-deprecating part of me has different thoughts all together: You're a scaredy cat. From the moment you learned to put pencil to paper, you've thought--at least glancingly--that you'd become an author. You are a good writer but will never have the guts or the willpower to be a great one, the one you know you can be. So you just rest on your laurels, write nothing, and tell yourself that you'd be great...if you were in the mood to try.

Of course the truth probably runs somewhere between those two extremes. I definitely know that elements of each argument hit a little too close to home--this suggests to me that both my kind and evil sides know a bit of what's going on inside my mind regaring my self-motivation (or lack thereof).

Writing this blog has helped me in ways I could never really describe. I have a sense of community with readers and with other folks whose blogs I read. There's a whole community of us out there, a community I tapped into at just the right time, right when I was feeling most isolated about my disease. Telling my friends and family was a big step--an important one that has improved relationships and opened lines of communication. But it's also hard to post about pain and suffering when you know your mom or sister or aunt or boyfriend could be reading. Strangers out there may sympathize with our migrainous plight and wish us well, but family and friends can be hurt reading about how much of a struggle it is to live with this illness day to day.

view from my apartment in Bs. As.

Recently I've been both bummed and relieved. Strange combination, I know. The month I was in Buenos Aires was wonderful and lovely and relaxing, but my migraine frequency skyrocketed. A disappointment, to say the least, especially after I'd been doing remarkably well post-December's doctor appointment. In Buenos Aires, I had to break my healthy diet rules nearly every day, as dairy and white, enriched flour and other no-nos were sometimes impossible to avoid if I wanted to have any sustenance at all. I lived with 1-2 roommates (friends) at a time in a comfy but small apartment. This led me to a truth I'd been on the brink of already: having a boyfriend as an occasional roommate is far different from having a friend-roommate. At least if the boyfriend is J. and the girlfriend is me. I know that my friends don't need to be entertained; I know that roommates/guests don't necessarily need my help and guidance and company. But, man! It was definitely more of an effort sharing a space with them than it is sharing one with J. (We have yet to do an official move-in, but it may happen by the end of this year. Maybe. We'll see.)

But back to the matter at hand. Since I've been back from Buenos Aires, I've not had one migraine. Not a one! I've relished the mere thought of being able to eat my meals in my own house. I've eated two meals out in two weeks. (Well, three meals if you count that very necessary 3 AM snack at Huddle house with Christa last weekend.) This is not like me. I tend to eat out a few days a week. But now the thoughts of rice and stir-fried vegetables trump any desire for pizza, heretofore desirable cream sauces and pasta, etc. I feel remarkably better when I eat well, and the truth of that was emphasized by the month in Argentina when I couldn't stick to my diet rules. Now I'm feeling no migraine pain and have no tummy issues. Whew.

However, something else is afoot. I'm exhausted, achey, tired, and more all the time. The list goes on and on. I've a sneaking suspicion something else is going on with my body. Next week I see the doctor again and will figure some more stuff out. Maybe results from yesterday's blood work will yield some answers.

All in all, things are going well and I'm confident they'll keep getting better. Hope you're feeling similarly about your own lives.

Pain Blog Carnival

Check it out here!

http://www.howtocopewithpain.org/blog/705/pain-carnival-march-2009/

In other news, I'm back from my month-long sojourn in South America. I have had many blog ideas drift through my head, but I've not been in the mood to write. We'll see what the next couple of weeks hold...

Hope everyone is well.

Creating a Migraine-Friendly Environment

Diana Lee has the March headache blog carnival posted. Once again, I slacked and missed the boat--this time I didn't even clue in enough to know what the topic was. Too bad, too, because I have a lot to say about migraine-friendly spots. (I have oft thought of writing reviews of restaurants, offices, etc. based mainly on the places' migraine-friendliness!)

Read the blog carnival entries here!

warm weather triggers migraines

Science has confirmed what many of us migraineurs already knew. I certainly get migrainey when the weather is super-hot and/or when I suddenly get overheated. I love warm weather but fear it when I know I can't escape from it when necessary.

I know the migraine bloggers will be all over this, so I'll be brief and give you some links:

http://www.webmd.com/migraines-headaches/news/20090309/warm-weather-may-trigger-migraines
http://health.usnews.com/articles/health/healthday/2009/03/09/warmer-than-average-temperatures-raise-migraine.html

Action alert--important, please read & respond!!

http://www.allianceforheadacheadvocacy.org/

It's a critical time for all of us, those with a headache disorder and those of us who know people with headache disorders. Please visit the above link and forward a letter to your government representatives urging them to increase funding for headache research. The ADHA folks make it super-easy to submit an email to your representatives, so no whining about having to do extra work--this will take you only a minute at most!

THANK YOU!

alive and well!

I don't know what my deal has been lately--I just haven't felt like posting on either of my blogs very often. Could it have something to do with the whirlwind past couple of weeks I had? February 21 was my 29th birthday, February 22 I flew out of Atlanta to Buenos Aires, and February 23 until now I've been in "the Paris of South America" trying to balance personal needs and the strong desire to spend every waking moment on these lovely avenues. It's still summer here, so spending too much time outside during the day in the sun is not a healthy option, as overexertion, excess heat, and excess sun are all migraine triggers for me. I've had one wine glass too many during a few dinners, but I've had no next-day migraine, just some grogginess. The last couple of nights I've had lots of water (no alcohol) and still woke up today a big groggy. That might be another subject for another time: I'm wondering why, for the last several weeks, I wake up feeling really heavy-headed and groggy--often waking up and walking around the house/sitting up tends to help. Congestion?

I hope you East Coasters are coping with the snow! Yesterday I wished I was with you; now that Monday has rolled around and the Georgia snow has become cased in dangerous ice, I'm grateful to be here where it's 80 degrees and sunny.

I've been doing yoga in the pool of our building's courtyard!

I've NOT been sticking to my diet very well: turns out nearly every meal option has enriched flour and/or cheese/cream on it. Well-cooked (i.e., not boiled to death) veggies and fresh fruits are harder to come by than I'd thought.

Hope to check in with you soon. Thanks as always for being there to be my sounding board, and sorry I've been missing the boat on some migraine action events lately.

bad days, good days

The past week has been a mixture of amazing fun and terrible bedridden-ness. I had several days affected by migraine but got by okay with my triptans. Disturbingly, the drugs worked okay only half the time--they limited the pain but didn't erase it all (or the other side effects). That was frustrating, but at least post-triptans I could function okay.

Thursday I missed a bonfire party at a friend's house. I'd been looking forward to this. Friday I babysat and felt really good during the day, playing like crazy with the kids in the 70-something degree weather. Friday night was crappy, but I had an okay time lying low and watching The Wire. (Not uplifting, exactly, but so very well-done!) Saturday I woke up extra-migrainey but the drugs worked okay by the afternoon. I spent many an hour with my honey bunny and had a lovely evening. The migraine started to creep back in the evening but I ignored it. Mistake? Perhaps.

Sunday.
was.
terrible.

I got out of bed to pee a couple of times--other than that, J. waited on me hand and foot. Around ten p.m. I was okay enough to take a shower, but I had to sit down in the water stream and rest halfway through. When the shower was over and I was dry and p.j.ed, I felt as if I'd spent three hours working out. Wah.

Many of you don't know this, but I LOVE MARY TYLER MOORE. I love her. LOVE HER. This love is deeply connected to my love for The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and I've had the pleasure of seeing a couple MTM Show stars in real life. (That was thrilling.) Months ago, one of my friends told me that Ed Asner ("Lou Grant") would be in Athens on February 15 to perform in a play for Darwin Day. She scored us free tickets (yess) and the countdown began.

That show was Sunday, 2/15. I couldn't go. Not even triptans could help save me: I'd taken my allotment for the week. I was too busy being in pain despite the Lortab, lying in bed hoping to throw up to ease some of the discomfort. (I've known many migraineurs who feel this way--once you get to feeling bad enough, you know that getting sick to your stomach will bring you some relief.) I missed Lou Grant! I also missed a Sunday night party I'd been looking forward to. Wah. Poor me.

It was the worst day I'd had in a long time. I'm hoping that its being out of the way (along with my period, which I'm joyed to wave goodbye to for a few weeks) will give me another few weeks of success. Fingers crossed.

my therapeutic yoga class

Okay, jury's in: I love my therapeutic yoga class. I was really overwhelmed after my first session--everyone in the class is amazing in his or her own way, and everyone has at least one (at least!) major health obstacle she's trying to cope with. All those fears about not being flexible enough, about not being able to keep up, about not doing things "correctly," have flown out the window. Slowly but surely I'm taking to heart my experienced yoga teacher's words: if your movements are painful, you're not doing yoga. Everyone's body is completely different from the next, so one person's ability to move in a certain way should not be judged against the next person's. In doing some arm exercises, I pushed myself to keep my arms high despite their beginning to get tingly and painful. After the class, I mentioned the discomfort to my teacher, who told me to lower my arms significantly--if that didn't work, we'd figure out another modification that would perhaps allow me to do this exercise.

Each class is two hours long but is not rigorous or stressful in the least. We move slowly and mindfully, paying attention to our breathing and always taking note of how our movements make our bodies feel. (I speak as if I'm a self-proclaimed guru at this point--this is far from the case, but speaking confidently about the practice sure can't hurt!) It's hard for me to slow my mind down, to not pay attention to the racing thoughts that flit across my brain like so many little birds.

There are two other severe chronic migraineurs in the class, and I completely misjudged how wonderful it'd be to talk with them in person. I've gained so much through web-based relationships on this blog (and in using other health websites), but to see someone's face as she describes her life with migraine is such a different experience. One woman's headaches were daily and severe. She, like me, made TONS of lifestyle changes all at once. She continually reassures me and encourages me, telling me how happy she feels that I have already begun to find hopefulness where before there was despair. This is a person who has been coming to this particular therapeutic yoga class for seven years, a chronic daily migraineur. Guess when her last migraine attack was? Over six years ago. Can you imagine that? I'm beginning to allow myself to imagine that. I'm not planning on it, mind you, but I am allowing myself to believe at last that this is possible, that after all this searching and medication and vitamins and doctor's visits there could be something that has a drastically wonderful effect on my life.

It's not easy to change everything at once. This evening my friend told me how she was about to order a greasy, delightfully cheesy Papa John's pizza. As soon as I was alone again, I thought about that pizza. Thought about dipping it in those notoriously fatty cups of garlic sauce and how wonderful it tastes.

And then I got home and heated up rice, broccoli, and onions for dinner. I feel satiated and healthy. No cheese-induced tummyache for me. But man--I do love pizza.

People, I want you to allow yourselves to be hopeful. I want you to imagine that it will be possible to live your lives without fear of a migraine coming on at the slightest provocation. For too long I have treated myself too gingerly--much of that was necessary and safe, I know, but it kept me from living my life well. KEEPS me from living my life well. (There goes Guru Jan again, acting as if she's got it all figure out, when really I'm play-acting here and there, only partly able to fully believe how healthy I am becoming.) It's so hard for me to imagine that any of these changes I've made could NOT help most of you. This from the girl who gets really frustrated when people, out of the goodness of their hearts, push so-called miracle drugs onto her--if Topamax works for so many, it MUST work for you, Janet! You're probably just not taking it right!

I fear becoming the person who pushes her ways onto you. At the same time, I can't resist trying to engage some of you in this discussion, to encourage some of you to incorporate healthier habits in an attempt to curb the number and severity of your attacks. Please let me know if I'm annoying you. Please let me know if you are interested in talking more. Please let me know if I should abandon this blog all together before driving you all crazy!! :)

the streak is over

After 22(ish) days of no migraine, I had to take a Maxalt today. In recent weeks I've felt very heavy-headed and icky upon waking; when I move about the house and get ready for the day, the feeling dissipates and I start to feel a-okay. This morning my head felt heavier than it has in a while, and something just didn't feel right. I made coffee and, after messing around the house for awhile, walked to meet some friends for lunch. To my surprise, my stomach was really upset within minutes of eating the meal. I hadn't had anything on my forbidden list, so I was a bit confused.

After my post-lunch long walk, I returned home and felt that cool, airy pain beginning on the left side of my forehead. There's a particular type of discomfort that accompanies my initial PMS symptoms, and this was it. "No way!" thought I, "I just had my period!" One look at a calendar showed me that my menstrual-related migraine was right on time. D'oh!

I took a Naproxen tablet in the hopes it could stave off the real migraine to come, but this afternoon I could feel the symptoms worsening and took my Maxalt. Now I feel airy and tired and a bit out of it--good ol' Maxalt + PMS will do that every time.

I'm proud of my streak and not surprised that my period has helped trigger this migraine episode. I'll deal. When my period's over, maybe I can start a new tally and get higher than 22! And maybe not. Either way, I'm cool. I thought I'd be really disappointed and discouraged when the streak ended, but I'm not. I'm pretty confident I'll have another pain-free stretch coming up soon.

3 WEEKS!!!

I had to share this with you all: in a few hours' time, I'll have hit my three-week NO MIGRAINES mark! My last migraine was very, very early 1/15. I can't believe this--I can't believe it!!

Though I'm trying to remain in the moment, to realize that this is how I'm feeling now and no guarantee for how I'll feel at any point in the future, I can't help but be happy. In the last few weeks, I've been able to let go of a lot of migraine-related anxiety. When I encountered cigarette smoke indoors at a rock show in Atlanta, I didn't go into panic mode, didn't think, "Oh, no! I must cover my face immediately or else I'll be sick!" I did get away from the cigarette smoker and his billowy stench, but I didn't feel panicky about it in the least. I've been so much more calm, cool, and collected. Trying not to take this for granted, and trying my damnedest not to preach to you all about how I really and truly believe the changes I've made to my life could help you in some way. It's really hard not to preach, though. Really hard.

Love,
Janet

attention fellow bloggers

I've been remiss in adding some of you to my blog roll. Whether or not we've ever met online, please shoot me a message if you'd like for me to add your name to my links list. There are lots of you out there who read my blog and also maintain your own--I'd love to include your blogs on my page, too!

Thanks.

effective treatment for TMJ = nothing, says research cited in NY Times

Interesting New York Times article on TMJ. Check it out if you are a fellow TMJ patient. (My jaw problems come and go and seem to be doing okay these days.)

I can't get motivated!

At 2:19 a.m., I turned in my most recent work assignment. While working on it this past weekend, I thought about all the errands I could run, all the little chores I could do--if only I didn't have an editing assignment looming overhead.

Well, now I'm free as a bird and have only done a couple of meaningful things today:
1) went for a long walk
2) took a shower

Oh, yeah--I almost forgot! I made lunch and dinner. Impressive.

So am I having a lazy day I'm entitled to, or am I a no-excuse sloth who could be doing Real Things but is instead writing a blog post using her iPod because the computer is too far (read: 5 feet) away?

Blah.

new record?

I'm 12 hours away from a record: my last migraine attack was in the first couple of hours of January 15! This means I'll have had two weeks of feeling awesome (minus two only partly-blah days during my period).

Am I jinxing myself by celebrating this record before it's achieved? If this had happened months ago, I would have said yes and probably would have had a migraine pretty soon. But this is happening now, and I'm more hopeful.

The end!

Grand Rounds posted!

Check this out--what amazing blog posts from all over the web. Ladybloggers are awesome. Please excuse me for using the nonexistent word "ladybloggers."

a quick stumble off the wagon

Today I grabbed a roast beef sandwich from a local bar/restaurant and went to another bar to hang out with Handicapped Twin, who just started bartending. I scarfed down the delicious sandwich and enjoyed every bite.

Hours later, as I was getting up to leave, I had an epiphany. "Oh my god!" HT: "What?" Jan: "I just realized I ate white flour and cheese for lunch--and I didn't even think twice about it. It didn't even occur to me that I was not following my diet!"

Oops.

Perhaps it's coincidence, but this afternoon my tummy has been jumpy for the first time in many days.

therapeutic yoga!

I'm going to my first therapeutic yoga class in a few minutes. The teacher called me a couple weeks ago to discuss my needs, my health, etc.--so all the activities I do will be centered around what I need most.

Despite the teacher's friendliness and my excitement, I feel a little nervous...

something else I've noticed about the cold fingers & toes...

Today I returned from my walk. Though the sun had already set before I began my 50-minute stroll, the air temperature was pretty warm. Frat boys walked in shorts in long-sleeved shorts; some folks walking dogs had on jeans and T-shirts (but looked cold). I had on two pairs of exercise pants (cozy), a long-sleeved T-shirt, and two sweatshirt hoodies. Plus my cotton stretch gloves!

When I got back to my neighborhood, I slowly peeled off the gloves. (I was moving in slow motion, trying to make the walk last as long as the PRI Selected Shorts program lasted.) I noticed two things:

1. The air felt warm to my pointer fingers!
2. My pointer fingers on each hand were markedly, dramatically colder than were my other digits. I put my pointer fingers on my cheeks and felt the cold; I put my ring and pinkie fingers on each cheek and felt warm, warm, warm.

#2 has happened once in awhile, but only since mentioning the possibility of my having Raynaud's phenomenon did I really think too much about the discrepancy in temperature among fingers.

Now I know lots of you migraineurs wrote back about having cold fingers and toes--anyone else feel some digits go cold while others stay warm?

P.S. Check out the information Ellen posted about Raynaud's on her wegohealth blog!

P.P.S. If I remember, I'm trying to include photos in each post. Often they're related; sometimes they're not. I noticed that on my wegohealth.com page there's always an image added to each post even if I haven't included one--and I don't usually like the photos they attach to my blog. SO I'm including my own pictures to beat the system! The end.

blurry vision day + screen smarts

From the moment I woke up today, my head felt funny. Stuffy and tight, dizzying and borderline-achy. For some moments, it felt as if my sinuses were slowly and painfully trying to press at my skin and burst out. (Gross, I know--but the truth hurts, kids.)

I've mentioned before how going into brightly lit megastores or driving down a rainy road can make my vision go a bit wonky. Today I was having a less-than-stellar vision day--thank goodness for glasses! Things looked hazy, and squinting to look at faraway objects merely irritated my head, face, and sinuses even more. Street signs were blurry and I had to be much closer to them than usual in order to read their words. (Again I express gratitude for my glasses, especially the rose-tinted ones that are especially pleasant on overcast days.)

After I write this blog entry, I'm going to close the computer and not open it again! You hear me, young lady? (Yes ma'am.) I've been spending way too much time online lately, and it's not been for any real reason. Checking my Facebook page every hour is quite unnecessary, as is feverishly looking at my four (4!) Gmail accounts and my bank account information. I feel almost compulsive in my internet behavior this week, telling myself I'll shut the laptop after I check all the accounts and my Facebook account one last time before finishing up with computer time.

Because the computer oozes an eerie glow that's not so pleasant to the eyes, I should be further motivated to shut the darned thing off more often than I do. On a day like today, when I'm feeling a bit under the weather (aforementioned vision blurriness and head stuffiness combined with some back pain), it's easier yet more harmful to keep the laptop in my lap instead of getting up and being a little more active. Bleh.

Today I also had some fast food, which I've not done much in 2009. For weeks I've been eating well--lots of veggies and good-for-you fresh foods. To suddenly indulge in salty French fries and chicken is, in three words, numbing, gross, and heavy.

So Lazy Monster bids you adieu. Time to shut the computer and drink a tall glass of water. Time to listen to music and tidy the house. Time to finish that letter I started last night. Time to stop staring at screens. Time to stay at home and relax despite the fact that some friends have shows (music shows, that is) tonight. Time to not make myself feel guilty for missing friends' shows. Time to say goodnight.

Goodnight

while we're on the subject...

I found this video on YouTube.com. The narrator, Michael Shermer, seems to approach the subject with a healthy skepticism--I like how he doesn't dismiss acupuncturists (and patients) as fools. He seems to take the most issue with practioners' claims that acupuncture can help alleviate certain conditions, conditions that have not been shown to improve at all due to acupuncture.

What he does allow is that there seems to be some relief for chronic pain patients--and this is why it seems appropriate to post the video here.

acupuncture post part II

Here's an article my dad asked me to read last month. (We often get in debates about so-called "alternative" medicine, acupuncture, etc.) It's from Skeptic Magazine.

Then take a look at this entry on HealthCentral.com.

These are but two examples of the acupuncture debate. With all these educated and well-intentioned folks on both sides of the issue (or somewhere in the middle, like me), it's hard to know what to believe. If acupuncture works for you, that's wonderful. I'm pleased to hear it. If it doesn't, I'd like to hear from you, too.

As for me, it's not an affordable option right now, especially since I've been finding success with other lifestyle changes.

Read on and let me know what you think!

cold fingers and toes!

Until I read the much-talked-about The Migraine Brain, I hadn't realized that lots of migraineurs report frequently having cold hands and feet. I've often joked that from October to May my extremities are ice-cold, figuring it had something to do with my height, my circulation, my lack of exercise, and/or my tendency to feel faint rather easily. That being said, I never really thought of it as something "real"; I figured instead it was just one of those bothersome things about being skinny and lanky. Whatev.

But now I wonder if there might be something I can do to warm up! Even with socks on, my toes are frigid; when I go to hug the kids I babysit for, they shriek in delight as they run away from me, thinking I was trying to trick them by putting icy fingers on their skin. I've read a bit about Raynaud's Phenomenon, but I'm not sure if that is what plagues migraineurs or if there's something else going on all together.

In the meantime, I'll wear my hat and gloves outside even when others look at me like I'm a bit crazy. (I get cold even when it's in the 60s!)

Anyone else have cold hands and feet more often than so-called "regular" folks?

The strength of the placebo effect with acupuncture

Did anyone else see this article? It seems to be making the rounds like wildfire--in the headache & acupuncture communities, at least. I've long since been interested in acupuncture but can't get my mind around the fact that several of the studies cited most often to acupuncture experts are not well-crafted and cannot serve to make generalizations about larger populations. I know several people whose lives have improved since going to acupuncture--headaches, back pain, and more have been reduced to amazingly low levels for some friends who've gone to an acupuncturist. That's wonderful--but is the belief in acupuncture more powerful than the process itself?

The needles aren't painful as they enter your body (and as they rest there for awhile). Lying on a table imagining your body healing itself is good for anyone, even those without an acupuncturist hovering above. Imagining those energy channels opening up, envisioning your body working smoothly, all its parts in line--these visions probably accompany acupuncture treatment and may be just one part of the reason acupuncture seems to work so well.

I'm not looking for an argument here--there are many people who truly believe in its power. I am not denying that it works for many, many people. I'm grateful and happy that it's brought such relief to some people in my life! But, as this article suggests, its anecdotally-reported success in the migraine community might be attributable to the placebo effect. And maybe that's okay--as long as it works, right? Scientific and medical experts warn that the placebo effect wears off eventually, leaving people where they started. Even if that is the case, can't we be happy that the patients have seen a break in pain without putting more drugs in their systems?

What do you think?

the PMS monster hath risen

This past week I suffered from awful bouts of irate anger (redundant, much?) and moodiness. Though the migraine frequency has lessened, the headaches still come up once a week or so. Until this week, the head pain wasn't accompanied by other migraine side effects other than sleepiness.

Until PMS time came. I had worse PMS than I can remember in recent history. I was moody, extremely sad (curled up on the couch listening to overdramatic songs on my iPod--not even using the stereo!), and flushed with anger at the drop of a hat. Yech. As I mentioned to my sister, I felt the way I did as a teenager during fights with my mom: in each case (picking a fight with my beau this week or with my mom 15 years ago), I could see the argument spinning out of control, could understand why the things I was getting p.o.ed about really were meaningless. But I couldn't stop being mad. I couldn't stop yelling or uttering huge sighs of disgust. Ew! Dear Lord, please don't make me a teenager every month. I hope that this week's tudiness will not replicate itself next cycle.

Am I the only one whose period brings different side effects every time? Sometimes I'm cool and collected (okay, that's rare--but last month I was like that!); other times I am the devil incarnate. Still other times are marked by awful cramps and no headache; the next month, I might have an 8-day Migraine with no cramps. I prefer predictability.

maintain a healthy weight!

Of course there are myriad benefits to staying in good shape. Now here's a press release about the link between unhealthy weight and migraine! (And more encouragement for me to gain a bit more weight and keep exercising!)

Check out the article here.

goggly googly eyes

Today I went to the YMCA to swim for the first time in awhile. Had I not been walking frequently in the month I've neglected the Y, I might feel a bit embarrassed at not having visited the pool in so long. But I had to skip the Y for several weeks' time due to my being ill (can't be contagious at the Y!) and then because of the severe ear pain that accompanied my dipping my head even 2" underwater.

Today I went around 11 AM and was happy to find a whole lane open for me. I swam a bit but my goggles kept flipping off each time I did a flip turn (probably because I had them on pretty loose--tying them as tightly as I should hurts my head too much!). I gave up after a whopping ten or fifteen minutes and exited the pool. Would've dipped in the clean yet decrepit hot tub were an older lady not already in it. (I don't really want to make small talk while sitting in a 104-degree communal tub. Sorry, lady.)

In the car about to make my way home, I glanced in the mirror and noticed that my lower eyelids were super puffy. After a second I realized this was probably because of wearing goggles. Nearly twelve hours later, however, I look in the mirror and still see those bags under my eyes, bags that were NOT there when I woke up this morning. My face has felt stuffy since the swim, too--and here I'd thought I'd almost rid myself of this obnoxious cold/sinus infection for awhile. Ick.

Anyone ever have his or her head get really stuffy while swimming? The doctors I've seen recently didn't seem surprised at the fact that my ear hurts due to water pressure, but since it happened again today (post medical care) combined with my strange under-eye sinus puffiness, I'm wondering what else is up.

On a related note, I put my Y membership on hold for a few months. (This means I won't pay the monthly fee 'til I start going again, and I won't have to pay a joiner's fee when I start going to the Y again. Not that I paid the joiner's fee in the first place--had that waived for no other reason than that I asked!) I have really been enjoying my walks, and they seem to be a better use of time. By the time I drive to the Y, change into my suit, swim laps, change back, drive home, shower, and change again, I could have walked out my door and around the neighborhood for over an hour. Given the choice, I choose FREE.

why you shouldn't give up hope

One of the readers of my blog, T., started emailing me a year ago or so (has it been longer than that, T.?). I'm happy to report that after 19 months of daily headache/migraine, she has gone eight days pain-free. As far as I know, this is the longest period of headache-free days she's had in nearly two years, folks. I'm so very happy for her--what a wonderful, refreshing feeling that must be, to wake up and NOT feel sick after getting used to the pain as a way of life.

Way to go, T.! Here's to days, months, YEARS of good health!

could it really be that simple?

Were it not for overindulging on New Year's Eve (um, oops), I would probably still be having a migraine-free 2009. On the evening of the 31st, it'd been nine days since my last attack. As of 8 AM on the 1st, however, I was back at square one. That time I knew precisely who was the culprit: me and my re-found affection for white wine. Yes, it's true--I'm drinking that delicious nectar again, but with at LEAST 16 oz. of water with every glass of wine. Worked out well for me 'til NYE when I made the mistake of having a nightcap. Turns out wine is a bit more alcoholic than what I'm used to drinking.

But that's somewhat besides the point.

For the first time, I really, truly believe that I can get this disease under control. I'm following my doctor's orders, yes, but I'm not doing too much that's out of the ordinary. In general, I'm doing things I've always known to be good for me, things that I've let slip out of my life for one reason or another. As I've mentioned here before, the regular exercise has already proven to be quite the boon. It was nice to be validated by my new doctor, told that even long walks would give me a boost in serotonin. I don't need to swim at sprint-speed for an hour or even turn my walk into a run--I can just walk briskly five times a week and reap the benefits of exercise. It took some effort to let go of the notion that an "in shape" person should be able to jog or swim laps for much longer than I can without getting winded. Truth is, I'm not in the best shape. Another truth is that my body doesn't like it too much when I overexert myself (migraine trigger alert!), so why not take it easy and work my way up to some gentle exercise that fits the bill and makes me feel better?

A few days ago, I walked by the Habitat for Humanity parking lot on a walk. "Girl, you need to be runnin'!" a worker loading boxes called out to me. I do believe that a few months (or even years) ago I would have felt a bit bad after hearing this, simply knowing that I SHOULD be able to run and jump and do the activities a healthier person can. But this day was different. "Nah, I'm more of a walker," I called back, to which the man responded with a smile: "All right, all right!" I could have cited the arthritis in my knees, my bouts with sciatica, and my tendency to develop a migraine when I overexert myself. But I didn't. I just admitted that I'm more of a walker and kept on going. And you know what? I wasn't hard on myself afterward. I didn't spend too much time harping on the differences between my super-in-shape self of the early 90s (when I was a pre-teen, mind you!) and the 28-year-old I am today. I just kept going, and I felt great. There is a joy in being able to move and exercise without pain; you don't need to overdo it in order to feel accomplished. If there's one thing I've learned in these 2+ months of exercising healthily, it's that it's important to do what's right for you and not judge yourself by the standards set forth by fitness experts and marathon runners. Just do what you can. I do, and I hope to continue doing this.

Most of the other recommendations from the doctor were pretty simple, too. Eat well, treat my body well, and the like. J., my beau, pointed out the fact that many of the doctor's tips were tips he'd recommended for us long ago. Eat more fresh fruit and vegetables. Try to cut out dairy. J. hadn't called the "weed out white and enriched flour" bit, but that wasn't surprising. White and enriched flour is rougher on your system if you're sensitive like me and have IBS.

I keep reflecting on my wonderful visit and wishing more people could meet with this same doctor and have success. Were I you, I'd be skeptical. All the same, I'm putting it out there: I'm convinced that this person could help many of the people reading this. No, I'm not going to post his name and information (though if you are convinced by my admiration you can email me for details). He diagnosed me with several diseases/disorders I'd long since guessed I'd had, but didn't diagnose in a way I perceived as threatening or upsetting. He just verified my suspicions: I have mild depression, chronic fatigue (but not necessarily chronic fatigue syndrome, mind you), arthritis, allodynia (which I suspected I had on my scalp but had no idea was related to the bruised feeling I often have on my arms, legs, and torso!), Migraine disease (duh), irritable bowl syndrome (IBS), hypersensitivity, and mucositis (inflammation of the mucus membranes--mine is chronic but should be helped with my new regimen). I felt vindicated and relieved--all of these seemingly disparate symptoms I've been suffering from for a long time were all named, and all of them were related to my naturally low serotonin levels. The doctor is convinced that regulating my serotonin levels will allow me to live a happier, more productive, and less painful life. He pointed out how much better I'd been feeling since I started exercising and said that the exercise, combined with a diet that's easier on my system and some other exercise and relaxation techniques, I could cut out the majority of my migraines.

Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Every day I make a smoothie chock full of good things for me--blueberries, pomegranate juice, tea, oatmeal soaked in rice milk, flaxseed, and some supplements. Each morning and night I take supplements/vitamins, a few of which I've been taking for a couple of years now. Five days a week I'm to engage in "gentle exercise" for 30-60 minutes, depending on how long it takes for me to reach the peak when I have the endorphin rush. I've been exercising 45-70 minutes when I go out and walk. Tomorrow I'll call and sign myself up for therapeutic yoga class (which I convinced Handicapped Twin to go to, too!); soon I'll buy a book on mindful meditation (the main form of meditation that has lots of good research behind it, hence the hospital being able to endorse it). The more I do for myself, the better and more hopeful I feel. I've already begun returning more to what I consider my "real" self--making calls to distant loved ones with more frequency, writing letters again (something I was once famous for but sort of dropped in recent times), and persuing creative activity. Hell, I even enrolled in the Sketchbook Project and am trying my hand at drawing, something I never thought I'd do.

I'm happy. I really hope you are, too. I hate the fact that I might sound as if I'm proselytizing, but it's hard to hold back when you've been hopeless for so long and suddenly see concrete evidence that your life is changing for the better. I dare any of you who've made it through this entire blog entry to start exercising a few days a week to the best of your ability and see if you don't feel better. I dare you!

Happy 2009. Love love love.