wreck wreck wreck

Yesterday I was in a little thing I like to call a car wreck. Got hit on the driver's side and front of my car when a distracted dude ran a red light. Yeow!

My car's condition is in limbo: will it be declared totaled, or will a shop repair it and try (but fail) to restore it to its old glory? It's sitting all lonely and sad in a local tow yard. Poor baby. The whole front section of the car got knocked off--when you look at the car from the front, it looks like a burgundy colored face whose jaw has dropped clean to the ground. Surprised at something.

Various fluids of varying colors poured from the car and down the asphalt. Not sure what exploded, but it sure did leak.

To my happiness, no one was majorly injured. J., the beau, was in the passenger seat and ended up with lots of muscle strain/sprain and a headache. I hit my head on something (don't know what) and had a REGULAR HEADACHE plus some muscle straining and pain. Now I am achey but expect the feeling to go away after a few days. I hope this doesn't spur further health issues.

I don't know what the point of this post is. I feel oddly out of it. I'm used to taking Lortab as a Migraine attack rescue med now and again, but taking it for muscle aches along with this muscle relaxer makes for a very out-of-it Janet. I may well be writing nonsense here. So be it.

I can't tell you the last time I had a headache that wasn't a migraine. It was such an unfamiliar feeling: tightness all around my head, a dull ache that didn't throb or pierce. It's gone now, thank goodness, but it made me think about those who have tension headaches and NOT migraine. Recently a friend told me that she used to be one of those people who thought migraineurs were big sissies, that migraine headaches were actually just pretty bad regular headaches. Migraineurs were whiners. Wimpy whiners. But then she got her first migraine attack and finally realized she'd been wrong all that time--the pain of migraine is nothing compared to your average headache.

What if I could always have headaches like these instead of migraines? thought I. It seemed almost a luxury to have head pain that didn't distract me from life, pain that was irrefutably present but not debilitating. I'm jealous of the millions of people who don't get migraine. I'm so very jealous.

We've now reached the end of my rambling. Tomorrow I get to resume what is already another kind of headache: endless calls to insurance companies and the hospital. Wish me luck!

achy and lazy

Saturday I woke up tired. Tired and sore. Most likely that's because I stayed up pretty late Friday night and had one too many vodka-sodas. Fair enough. I didn't feel hungover OR migrainey (miracle of miracles), but I was achy and tired much of the day. When night fell, however, I was awake and energetic and inspired. J. and I had some sushi, went to see a friend play music downtown, and then rented a movie. I was in a silly, hyper, ridiculous mood until I fell asleep around 1:30.

The next night (last night, Sunday), I was up really late again. I saw a movie with my friend and, after walking home, took my nightly meds and planned to go to sleep. But THEN my beau came over to hang out, and we ended up making pizza at one in the morning (I had only snacked for dinner instead of eating a real meal, so I was hungry!) and watching a movie. Again, despite having a tired, achy day, my night was fun and silly and giggly. (I am pretty weird in real life, this I must admit--the last two evenings I exploited this trait for all its worth.)

I was wired and couldn't fall asleep last night. Eventually I shut the light off around 3:45 AM; of course that meant I didn't wake up 'til an embarrasingly late hour today. I've accomplished some things around the house (wrote a couple of emails, did the dishes, tidied up, visited with a good friend I've not seen in a LONG time, etc.), but I feel unaccomplished, tired, achy, and lazy overall. Wholly uninspired. It could be that my lovely time of the month is settling in for its visit. Perhaps the achiness is due to that. It could be because I skipped out on this week's exercise and yoga. Maybe none of the above. Maybe all of the above.

In any case, I feel like I'm watching myself from the outside, knowing that getting up and being active is the way to go. But since I have work tonight and a big editing assignment coming in the mail tomorrow, I feel like vegging while I can. So I continue in this pattern of achy laziness.

Let's hope I'm not so down on myself tomorrow.

yoga nidra

On Sunday at noon, I went to one of Athens's many yoga centers for a yoga nidra class. (I just wrote "noga yidra" and had to erase it. Thanks, Imitrex, for your charming effects on my brain.) My friend A. was about thirty seconds into her explanation of it when I decided it would indeed be for me.

As someone who's done yoga nidra twice, I don't feel equipped to aptly (or accurately) describe it. From a layman's perspective, it goes a little something like this:
1. Lie on your back on the floor, preferably on top of a yoga mat or comfortable, thin cushion.
2. Cover your eyes with a soft cloth or eye mask. (For people who can tolerate the smell, a lavender-infused eye mask is nice.)
3. Adjust your body so you are as comfortable as possible.
4. Listen for instructions.
5. 45-75 minutes later, you're done. You have not moved that entire time.

This yoga can be done by even those of us who aren't flexible or super-athletic. Let me reiterate: YOU DO NOT MOVE FOR AN HOUR.

The teacher (or kind British voice on the free mp3 recording) will have you get in position and relax first. Then you'll "rotate consciousness" (skeptics, just go with it) by focusing on one body part at a time. The "61-point" focusing exercise is repeated 2-3 times and really does leave you feeling relaxed and mushy and good. Then you are led through some relaxing breathing exercises and visualizations. The goal afterward is to feel more refreshed and ready to live life, as a properly done yoga nidra session is supposedly as restorative as four hours of deep sleep.

Interesting stuff. And it feels so good! It's also interesting to willingly put yourself in that stage that occurs between wakefulness and sleep, that lucid dreaming zone where it seems as if you're having an out-of-mind experience, watching how your brain works as your body calms down. It's really, really interesting. I promise.

I refer you to this Wikipedia link and really encourage you to read it. Yoga nidra is especially recommended for those whose brains race, who have chronic pain, who have been feeling stressed or anxious, and more. It takes awhile to get used to the practice, but I'm told by the yoga teacher and other practitioners that every time you do yoga nidra it helps you--and every time the session is different because you yourself have changed since the last time you practiced.

How to Cope with Pain blog carnival posted

The July blog carnival at How to Cope with Pain is now up. I'm off to peruse it now. (As usual, I slacked and didn't provide an entry. Next time, Gadget. Next time.)

once upon a mattress

I can't wait to go to bed tonight. And no, this desire is not directly connected to the constant tiredness I've been feeling lately. (Yes, I'll call my neurologist about this. Maybe even as soon as tomorrow!)

You see, I bought a new bed today. Miracle of miracles: you can't feel the springs in it when you lie down! AMAZING. It's soft yet firm. And inches wider than the full-sized, hard bed I've had for seven years. To top it all off, it was one of the less expensive models the store had to offer--and (surprise of surprises) I BARGAINED WITH THE SALESMAN. True story, folks: you can haggle over mattress sales. I got the thing for $80+ less than I would have had I not asked the guy to strike me a deal. (A few months ago in Boston, my friend got a deal on a mattress by staging a walk out. The salesman, really wanting a sale, called her back as she was exiting and offered her a deal. We are awesome.)

So that's the story. I've been waking up with back aches for many a week now, knowing I had to purchase a new, supportive mattress soon. And today I bit the bullet as soon as the Maxalt kicked my menstrual migraine out of the picture. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel stupendous!

Third time's a charm? Not so much.

Well, I've got to blame someone for this ever-present bout with pain and Migraine headaches. I do want to lay all my blame and anger on THE POLLEN. Perhaps that explains some of my grogginess, too! GO AWAY, POLLEN!

Had a migraine attack the moment I left work Wednesday, another yesterday afternoon shortly after finishing my babysitting job around noon (one that didn't disappear until nighttime and two Maxalts), and--surprise!--another the moment I sat up in bed this morning at 7:20. Curses.

The folks who landscape my community's property are here, which means stirred up grass and the pollen droppings (which are all over my roof and porch and grass). Thank goodness I'm leaving town today for the beach! I think salty air will be nicer than yellow air.


See all that brown stuff? POLLEN. All of it ------->

an out of the blue attack

Usually I can feel the discomfort in my head building as the minutes pass. I have time to decide whether or not to take anything for the attack.

Tonight I was having a perfectly nice evening outdoors, working my job as a storyteller (glorified name for a book reader and literacy advocate) at an area homeless shelter. I got up, put my book bag and blanket in the car, and signed out. When I got in my car to leave, BOOM! My head was not quite right.

Could it be that I was so engrossed in the tasks at hand I didn't feel the pain until I was back in relaxed mode, ready to go home? That happens sometimes, but I don't think that was the case tonight. The last few minutes outside were very relaxed and remarkably non-worky. I just sat talking with one of the moms at the residence and didn't feel I still had to be "on."

What is happening with me these last several weeks? I'm so frustrated!

Here's a sneaking suspicion I have: something's up with my back. My sciatica? I still don't know what that is, exactly, but I know it involves the lower back and can mean a pinched nerve or tendon or muscle that triggers pain in other parts of the body. This is what I think is happening--that'd certainly explain the back pain, neck pain, and leg pain I've been having the last few days. I am waiting on a call back from my massage therapist.

Despite not feeling my best tonight, I decided to be social. Taking a cue from people I know (or whose blogs I read) with New Daily Persistent Headache and/or chronic daily headache, I am trying to still do things I enjoy despite the pain, trying not to shut out the outside world and the things I love in it in favor of lying in bed feeling bad. It worked okay tonight, and I won't be pushing myself to socialize all the times I am not up to par. Tonight I went to my friend C.'s house to eat some hamburgers, chit-chat about my eventual bookstore, and watch the obnoxiously addictive show Top Chef. I left at eleven and decided then to take Maxalt--food and relaxation didn't help curb the attack, so I drugged myself up.

Now I'm in the waiting period, hoping it works, hoping I won't have another headache soon.

Goodnight!

a pain in the neck

My neck has been killing me for the last two days--for the several days before that, it was just really stiff and moderately sore. OOWWWWW! My jaw's been driving me crazy again, too, and my back feels strained. Wah, wah, wah.

I'm wondering if the massage I had two weeks ago screwed it up somehow, though usually massage helps. Has anyone had the experience of having a massage hurt more than it helps? I can't get comfortable at night because, no matter where I put my head on the pillow, my neck aches and throbs.

Boo hoo.