new record?

I'm 12 hours away from a record: my last migraine attack was in the first couple of hours of January 15! This means I'll have had two weeks of feeling awesome (minus two only partly-blah days during my period).

Am I jinxing myself by celebrating this record before it's achieved? If this had happened months ago, I would have said yes and probably would have had a migraine pretty soon. But this is happening now, and I'm more hopeful.

The end!

Grand Rounds posted!

Check this out--what amazing blog posts from all over the web. Ladybloggers are awesome. Please excuse me for using the nonexistent word "ladybloggers."

a quick stumble off the wagon

Today I grabbed a roast beef sandwich from a local bar/restaurant and went to another bar to hang out with Handicapped Twin, who just started bartending. I scarfed down the delicious sandwich and enjoyed every bite.

Hours later, as I was getting up to leave, I had an epiphany. "Oh my god!" HT: "What?" Jan: "I just realized I ate white flour and cheese for lunch--and I didn't even think twice about it. It didn't even occur to me that I was not following my diet!"

Oops.

Perhaps it's coincidence, but this afternoon my tummy has been jumpy for the first time in many days.

therapeutic yoga!

I'm going to my first therapeutic yoga class in a few minutes. The teacher called me a couple weeks ago to discuss my needs, my health, etc.--so all the activities I do will be centered around what I need most.

Despite the teacher's friendliness and my excitement, I feel a little nervous...

something else I've noticed about the cold fingers & toes...

Today I returned from my walk. Though the sun had already set before I began my 50-minute stroll, the air temperature was pretty warm. Frat boys walked in shorts in long-sleeved shorts; some folks walking dogs had on jeans and T-shirts (but looked cold). I had on two pairs of exercise pants (cozy), a long-sleeved T-shirt, and two sweatshirt hoodies. Plus my cotton stretch gloves!

When I got back to my neighborhood, I slowly peeled off the gloves. (I was moving in slow motion, trying to make the walk last as long as the PRI Selected Shorts program lasted.) I noticed two things:

1. The air felt warm to my pointer fingers!
2. My pointer fingers on each hand were markedly, dramatically colder than were my other digits. I put my pointer fingers on my cheeks and felt the cold; I put my ring and pinkie fingers on each cheek and felt warm, warm, warm.

#2 has happened once in awhile, but only since mentioning the possibility of my having Raynaud's phenomenon did I really think too much about the discrepancy in temperature among fingers.

Now I know lots of you migraineurs wrote back about having cold fingers and toes--anyone else feel some digits go cold while others stay warm?

P.S. Check out the information Ellen posted about Raynaud's on her wegohealth blog!

P.P.S. If I remember, I'm trying to include photos in each post. Often they're related; sometimes they're not. I noticed that on my wegohealth.com page there's always an image added to each post even if I haven't included one--and I don't usually like the photos they attach to my blog. SO I'm including my own pictures to beat the system! The end.

blurry vision day + screen smarts

From the moment I woke up today, my head felt funny. Stuffy and tight, dizzying and borderline-achy. For some moments, it felt as if my sinuses were slowly and painfully trying to press at my skin and burst out. (Gross, I know--but the truth hurts, kids.)

I've mentioned before how going into brightly lit megastores or driving down a rainy road can make my vision go a bit wonky. Today I was having a less-than-stellar vision day--thank goodness for glasses! Things looked hazy, and squinting to look at faraway objects merely irritated my head, face, and sinuses even more. Street signs were blurry and I had to be much closer to them than usual in order to read their words. (Again I express gratitude for my glasses, especially the rose-tinted ones that are especially pleasant on overcast days.)

After I write this blog entry, I'm going to close the computer and not open it again! You hear me, young lady? (Yes ma'am.) I've been spending way too much time online lately, and it's not been for any real reason. Checking my Facebook page every hour is quite unnecessary, as is feverishly looking at my four (4!) Gmail accounts and my bank account information. I feel almost compulsive in my internet behavior this week, telling myself I'll shut the laptop after I check all the accounts and my Facebook account one last time before finishing up with computer time.

Because the computer oozes an eerie glow that's not so pleasant to the eyes, I should be further motivated to shut the darned thing off more often than I do. On a day like today, when I'm feeling a bit under the weather (aforementioned vision blurriness and head stuffiness combined with some back pain), it's easier yet more harmful to keep the laptop in my lap instead of getting up and being a little more active. Bleh.

Today I also had some fast food, which I've not done much in 2009. For weeks I've been eating well--lots of veggies and good-for-you fresh foods. To suddenly indulge in salty French fries and chicken is, in three words, numbing, gross, and heavy.

So Lazy Monster bids you adieu. Time to shut the computer and drink a tall glass of water. Time to listen to music and tidy the house. Time to finish that letter I started last night. Time to stop staring at screens. Time to stay at home and relax despite the fact that some friends have shows (music shows, that is) tonight. Time to not make myself feel guilty for missing friends' shows. Time to say goodnight.

Goodnight

while we're on the subject...

I found this video on YouTube.com. The narrator, Michael Shermer, seems to approach the subject with a healthy skepticism--I like how he doesn't dismiss acupuncturists (and patients) as fools. He seems to take the most issue with practioners' claims that acupuncture can help alleviate certain conditions, conditions that have not been shown to improve at all due to acupuncture.

What he does allow is that there seems to be some relief for chronic pain patients--and this is why it seems appropriate to post the video here.

acupuncture post part II

Here's an article my dad asked me to read last month. (We often get in debates about so-called "alternative" medicine, acupuncture, etc.) It's from Skeptic Magazine.

Then take a look at this entry on HealthCentral.com.

These are but two examples of the acupuncture debate. With all these educated and well-intentioned folks on both sides of the issue (or somewhere in the middle, like me), it's hard to know what to believe. If acupuncture works for you, that's wonderful. I'm pleased to hear it. If it doesn't, I'd like to hear from you, too.

As for me, it's not an affordable option right now, especially since I've been finding success with other lifestyle changes.

Read on and let me know what you think!

cold fingers and toes!

Until I read the much-talked-about The Migraine Brain, I hadn't realized that lots of migraineurs report frequently having cold hands and feet. I've often joked that from October to May my extremities are ice-cold, figuring it had something to do with my height, my circulation, my lack of exercise, and/or my tendency to feel faint rather easily. That being said, I never really thought of it as something "real"; I figured instead it was just one of those bothersome things about being skinny and lanky. Whatev.

But now I wonder if there might be something I can do to warm up! Even with socks on, my toes are frigid; when I go to hug the kids I babysit for, they shriek in delight as they run away from me, thinking I was trying to trick them by putting icy fingers on their skin. I've read a bit about Raynaud's Phenomenon, but I'm not sure if that is what plagues migraineurs or if there's something else going on all together.

In the meantime, I'll wear my hat and gloves outside even when others look at me like I'm a bit crazy. (I get cold even when it's in the 60s!)

Anyone else have cold hands and feet more often than so-called "regular" folks?

The strength of the placebo effect with acupuncture

Did anyone else see this article? It seems to be making the rounds like wildfire--in the headache & acupuncture communities, at least. I've long since been interested in acupuncture but can't get my mind around the fact that several of the studies cited most often to acupuncture experts are not well-crafted and cannot serve to make generalizations about larger populations. I know several people whose lives have improved since going to acupuncture--headaches, back pain, and more have been reduced to amazingly low levels for some friends who've gone to an acupuncturist. That's wonderful--but is the belief in acupuncture more powerful than the process itself?

The needles aren't painful as they enter your body (and as they rest there for awhile). Lying on a table imagining your body healing itself is good for anyone, even those without an acupuncturist hovering above. Imagining those energy channels opening up, envisioning your body working smoothly, all its parts in line--these visions probably accompany acupuncture treatment and may be just one part of the reason acupuncture seems to work so well.

I'm not looking for an argument here--there are many people who truly believe in its power. I am not denying that it works for many, many people. I'm grateful and happy that it's brought such relief to some people in my life! But, as this article suggests, its anecdotally-reported success in the migraine community might be attributable to the placebo effect. And maybe that's okay--as long as it works, right? Scientific and medical experts warn that the placebo effect wears off eventually, leaving people where they started. Even if that is the case, can't we be happy that the patients have seen a break in pain without putting more drugs in their systems?

What do you think?

the PMS monster hath risen

This past week I suffered from awful bouts of irate anger (redundant, much?) and moodiness. Though the migraine frequency has lessened, the headaches still come up once a week or so. Until this week, the head pain wasn't accompanied by other migraine side effects other than sleepiness.

Until PMS time came. I had worse PMS than I can remember in recent history. I was moody, extremely sad (curled up on the couch listening to overdramatic songs on my iPod--not even using the stereo!), and flushed with anger at the drop of a hat. Yech. As I mentioned to my sister, I felt the way I did as a teenager during fights with my mom: in each case (picking a fight with my beau this week or with my mom 15 years ago), I could see the argument spinning out of control, could understand why the things I was getting p.o.ed about really were meaningless. But I couldn't stop being mad. I couldn't stop yelling or uttering huge sighs of disgust. Ew! Dear Lord, please don't make me a teenager every month. I hope that this week's tudiness will not replicate itself next cycle.

Am I the only one whose period brings different side effects every time? Sometimes I'm cool and collected (okay, that's rare--but last month I was like that!); other times I am the devil incarnate. Still other times are marked by awful cramps and no headache; the next month, I might have an 8-day Migraine with no cramps. I prefer predictability.

maintain a healthy weight!

Of course there are myriad benefits to staying in good shape. Now here's a press release about the link between unhealthy weight and migraine! (And more encouragement for me to gain a bit more weight and keep exercising!)

Check out the article here.

goggly googly eyes

Today I went to the YMCA to swim for the first time in awhile. Had I not been walking frequently in the month I've neglected the Y, I might feel a bit embarrassed at not having visited the pool in so long. But I had to skip the Y for several weeks' time due to my being ill (can't be contagious at the Y!) and then because of the severe ear pain that accompanied my dipping my head even 2" underwater.

Today I went around 11 AM and was happy to find a whole lane open for me. I swam a bit but my goggles kept flipping off each time I did a flip turn (probably because I had them on pretty loose--tying them as tightly as I should hurts my head too much!). I gave up after a whopping ten or fifteen minutes and exited the pool. Would've dipped in the clean yet decrepit hot tub were an older lady not already in it. (I don't really want to make small talk while sitting in a 104-degree communal tub. Sorry, lady.)

In the car about to make my way home, I glanced in the mirror and noticed that my lower eyelids were super puffy. After a second I realized this was probably because of wearing goggles. Nearly twelve hours later, however, I look in the mirror and still see those bags under my eyes, bags that were NOT there when I woke up this morning. My face has felt stuffy since the swim, too--and here I'd thought I'd almost rid myself of this obnoxious cold/sinus infection for awhile. Ick.

Anyone ever have his or her head get really stuffy while swimming? The doctors I've seen recently didn't seem surprised at the fact that my ear hurts due to water pressure, but since it happened again today (post medical care) combined with my strange under-eye sinus puffiness, I'm wondering what else is up.

On a related note, I put my Y membership on hold for a few months. (This means I won't pay the monthly fee 'til I start going again, and I won't have to pay a joiner's fee when I start going to the Y again. Not that I paid the joiner's fee in the first place--had that waived for no other reason than that I asked!) I have really been enjoying my walks, and they seem to be a better use of time. By the time I drive to the Y, change into my suit, swim laps, change back, drive home, shower, and change again, I could have walked out my door and around the neighborhood for over an hour. Given the choice, I choose FREE.

why you shouldn't give up hope

One of the readers of my blog, T., started emailing me a year ago or so (has it been longer than that, T.?). I'm happy to report that after 19 months of daily headache/migraine, she has gone eight days pain-free. As far as I know, this is the longest period of headache-free days she's had in nearly two years, folks. I'm so very happy for her--what a wonderful, refreshing feeling that must be, to wake up and NOT feel sick after getting used to the pain as a way of life.

Way to go, T.! Here's to days, months, YEARS of good health!

could it really be that simple?

Were it not for overindulging on New Year's Eve (um, oops), I would probably still be having a migraine-free 2009. On the evening of the 31st, it'd been nine days since my last attack. As of 8 AM on the 1st, however, I was back at square one. That time I knew precisely who was the culprit: me and my re-found affection for white wine. Yes, it's true--I'm drinking that delicious nectar again, but with at LEAST 16 oz. of water with every glass of wine. Worked out well for me 'til NYE when I made the mistake of having a nightcap. Turns out wine is a bit more alcoholic than what I'm used to drinking.

But that's somewhat besides the point.

For the first time, I really, truly believe that I can get this disease under control. I'm following my doctor's orders, yes, but I'm not doing too much that's out of the ordinary. In general, I'm doing things I've always known to be good for me, things that I've let slip out of my life for one reason or another. As I've mentioned here before, the regular exercise has already proven to be quite the boon. It was nice to be validated by my new doctor, told that even long walks would give me a boost in serotonin. I don't need to swim at sprint-speed for an hour or even turn my walk into a run--I can just walk briskly five times a week and reap the benefits of exercise. It took some effort to let go of the notion that an "in shape" person should be able to jog or swim laps for much longer than I can without getting winded. Truth is, I'm not in the best shape. Another truth is that my body doesn't like it too much when I overexert myself (migraine trigger alert!), so why not take it easy and work my way up to some gentle exercise that fits the bill and makes me feel better?

A few days ago, I walked by the Habitat for Humanity parking lot on a walk. "Girl, you need to be runnin'!" a worker loading boxes called out to me. I do believe that a few months (or even years) ago I would have felt a bit bad after hearing this, simply knowing that I SHOULD be able to run and jump and do the activities a healthier person can. But this day was different. "Nah, I'm more of a walker," I called back, to which the man responded with a smile: "All right, all right!" I could have cited the arthritis in my knees, my bouts with sciatica, and my tendency to develop a migraine when I overexert myself. But I didn't. I just admitted that I'm more of a walker and kept on going. And you know what? I wasn't hard on myself afterward. I didn't spend too much time harping on the differences between my super-in-shape self of the early 90s (when I was a pre-teen, mind you!) and the 28-year-old I am today. I just kept going, and I felt great. There is a joy in being able to move and exercise without pain; you don't need to overdo it in order to feel accomplished. If there's one thing I've learned in these 2+ months of exercising healthily, it's that it's important to do what's right for you and not judge yourself by the standards set forth by fitness experts and marathon runners. Just do what you can. I do, and I hope to continue doing this.

Most of the other recommendations from the doctor were pretty simple, too. Eat well, treat my body well, and the like. J., my beau, pointed out the fact that many of the doctor's tips were tips he'd recommended for us long ago. Eat more fresh fruit and vegetables. Try to cut out dairy. J. hadn't called the "weed out white and enriched flour" bit, but that wasn't surprising. White and enriched flour is rougher on your system if you're sensitive like me and have IBS.

I keep reflecting on my wonderful visit and wishing more people could meet with this same doctor and have success. Were I you, I'd be skeptical. All the same, I'm putting it out there: I'm convinced that this person could help many of the people reading this. No, I'm not going to post his name and information (though if you are convinced by my admiration you can email me for details). He diagnosed me with several diseases/disorders I'd long since guessed I'd had, but didn't diagnose in a way I perceived as threatening or upsetting. He just verified my suspicions: I have mild depression, chronic fatigue (but not necessarily chronic fatigue syndrome, mind you), arthritis, allodynia (which I suspected I had on my scalp but had no idea was related to the bruised feeling I often have on my arms, legs, and torso!), Migraine disease (duh), irritable bowl syndrome (IBS), hypersensitivity, and mucositis (inflammation of the mucus membranes--mine is chronic but should be helped with my new regimen). I felt vindicated and relieved--all of these seemingly disparate symptoms I've been suffering from for a long time were all named, and all of them were related to my naturally low serotonin levels. The doctor is convinced that regulating my serotonin levels will allow me to live a happier, more productive, and less painful life. He pointed out how much better I'd been feeling since I started exercising and said that the exercise, combined with a diet that's easier on my system and some other exercise and relaxation techniques, I could cut out the majority of my migraines.

Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Every day I make a smoothie chock full of good things for me--blueberries, pomegranate juice, tea, oatmeal soaked in rice milk, flaxseed, and some supplements. Each morning and night I take supplements/vitamins, a few of which I've been taking for a couple of years now. Five days a week I'm to engage in "gentle exercise" for 30-60 minutes, depending on how long it takes for me to reach the peak when I have the endorphin rush. I've been exercising 45-70 minutes when I go out and walk. Tomorrow I'll call and sign myself up for therapeutic yoga class (which I convinced Handicapped Twin to go to, too!); soon I'll buy a book on mindful meditation (the main form of meditation that has lots of good research behind it, hence the hospital being able to endorse it). The more I do for myself, the better and more hopeful I feel. I've already begun returning more to what I consider my "real" self--making calls to distant loved ones with more frequency, writing letters again (something I was once famous for but sort of dropped in recent times), and persuing creative activity. Hell, I even enrolled in the Sketchbook Project and am trying my hand at drawing, something I never thought I'd do.

I'm happy. I really hope you are, too. I hate the fact that I might sound as if I'm proselytizing, but it's hard to hold back when you've been hopeless for so long and suddenly see concrete evidence that your life is changing for the better. I dare any of you who've made it through this entire blog entry to start exercising a few days a week to the best of your ability and see if you don't feel better. I dare you!

Happy 2009. Love love love.