my near-death experience

Today I had one of those Migraine attacks during which I felt so awful and so sick that I gave up all my hopes and dreams and figured there's no chance in hell I'll ever accomplish even one-tenth of what I want to do. I lay in bed, afraid to move for fear of waking the nausea beast. My duties weighed heavily on my mind: call the leasing agent to talk about the bookstore; talk to the staff at the shelter about tutoring adults; clean the house; make sure everyone knows tonight's girls' night is canceled; send off those letters I keep forgetting about; make sure I have all my meds and clothes packed for this weekend's trip; oh my god I have nothing to wear to the high school reunion Saturday; oh my god why do I care?

As you can guess, it was hard for me to fall asleep and rest.

While babysitting this morning, my head acquired that good ol' stuffy feeling it's been getting most days for the last several months. Driving in the car, E., the three-year-old, was singing to herself in the backseat and her higher-pitched words pierced my ears. "Oh no," I thought, "is this the beginning?" An hour later, I was leaving the kids' house and my vision felt blurry. I tried to ignore the signs, for oftentimes they end up melting away into nothing and I feel fine and migraine-free.

That was not the case today.

I decided I needed a power nap. I woke up feeling less sleepy but more achey. I called the mom of the kids I babysit as I made soup, leaving a message in which I asked if I could call off for the afternoon. I had a Migraine and it didn't seem to be going away. If she needed me to come, I could, but I'd probably want to lie on the couch while the kids played.

I sat down with my bowl of hot soup and dipped my spoon in. The first time I brought it to my mouth, a wave of nausea overtook me and I thought I'd be sick. I stood up to ready myself for that disgusting trip to the bathroom but was too dizzy to stand. In the space of ten minutes, my Migraine had gone from tolerable to utterly debilitating. I cancelled the babysitting date for good and lay down for hours. HOURS. Two Imitrex pills, one Naproxen, and several mini-naps later, I emerged feeling woozy but pain-free.

Now I don't feel so despondent and hopeless, but today's episode did give me pause. Most Migraine attacks are ones that I can medicate quickly and all but cure. This one and the one I had two weeks ago were especially resistant to treatment, and I wondered what I'll do when one of these stubborn ones come on while I'm a bookstore owner. Who will take over last-minute? Can I put a "Back in 5...hours" sign on the door? These are issues I definitely have to work out, but I cannot--CANNOT--let them stop me from opening my business. Right?