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23 June 2010

the lost day

Around lunchtime today, I was rooting around the kitchen, looking for something to snack on. I saw a to-go box from a sushi restaurant and remembered having a lovely dinner with J. at a downtown sushi restaurant the night before.

But then I did a double-take. Was dinner last night? Or the night before?

It took me at least 30 minutes to properly reconstruct the events of the last two days. Sushi dinner was Monday night, all day migraine (including two long naps that broke up the day and made things even more confusing) was Tuesday. Today, Wednesday, felt like Tuesday since I never really had a real day yesterday. Tuesday was my lost day.

This happened to me a lot more frequently when I was more ill. When I served full-time as an AmeriCorps member in Florida years ago, I'd lie down on my bed after work on Friday for a quick read and not wake up until 15+ hours later; clearly I needed to recharge after a hectic week. Time felt out of joint and, though I could logically explain where the hours had gone, my mind and body remained confused about the passage of time.

From what I understand, this happens to a lot of people with chronic pain and/or chronic fatigue & immune dysfunction syndrome. Pain and exhaustion lead to marathon naps that are disorienting and, in many cases, not all that refreshing or healing.

So now I'm playing catch-up but still feel run down and operating at about 80%. Such is the migraine attack postdrome, I suppose. As always, I am being pretty hard on myself regarding how much (or rather, how little) work I've gotten done this week, but I know I need to cut myself some slack.

For now, I need to catch up on some work. ;/

2 comments:

blove1979 said...

I too lose days quite a bit. It's frustrating and quite a bit of a pain in the rear.

I was injured while overseas. Massive concusion and pressure to my left eye. I suffered major loss of vision in my left eye and now all I can really see is light out of it. Here’s the kicker, the light I see is like a million times brighter than it actually is. Military doc’s didnt know what was causing this. Many tests later and the VA doesnt either. That injury kicked off the begining of my migraines.

Since this has happened I have suffured through months of getting them on an almost daily basis. Then weeks of bessed relief. I have the pre symtoms of flashes of light and color, tingly/numbness, craving sweets,difficulty forming words and sentences (sometimes what I think I’m saying isn’t what I’m actually saying, transient global amnesia (this is weird but, sometimes I cant remember my wife and childrens names although I know who they are), frequent urination and lethargy.

During the actual migraine I become light and sound sensitive, and do not want to be touched unless your playing with my hair. Strangly I also become extremely sexually aroused, but, since I do not want to be touched its rather frustrating. It was so bad when I first started getting them that I would think up ways to kill myself. I knew I wouldnt but for some reason it helped me cope knowing that if it got too bad I knew 101 ways to do it. Ive since gotten over that, probably because I have gotten better at tolerating the pain.

Someone above mentioned the “empty shell” feeling and I agree 110%.

Luckily I have a good job that is Vet friendly and understands my time off requests. Ive seen numurous doctors of all types and they havent the slightest clue why I get them. I resent and loath going to the VA because they insist on dialating my left eye every time I go in. Each and every time I get an immediate migraine with vomiting an such. It seems like its almost a game to see how quick they can make me puke. Sucks, but if I want to keep my disability pay I have to continue seeing them.

Anyways my heart goes out to all of my fellow sufferers. To people who think we over exagerate or pain…I hope they never have to deal with what we deal with…I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy…well….maybe a few

blove1979 said...

I too lose hours and even days at a time while recovering from a particular case of the "nasties" (this is what my wife and children call my migraines)

I was injured while overseas. Major concusion and pressure to my left eye. I suffered major loss of vision in my left eye and now all I can really see is light out of it. Here’s the kicker, the light I see is like a million times brighter than it actually is. Military doc’s didnt know what was causing this. Many tests later and the VA doesnt either. That injury kicked off the begining of my migraines.

Since this has happened I have suffured through months of getting them on an almost daily basis. Then weeks of bessed relief. I have the pre symtoms of flashes of light and color, tingly/numbness, craving sweets,difficulty forming words and sentences (sometimes what I think I’m saying isn’t what I’m actually saying, transient global amnesia (this is weird but, sometimes I cant remember my wife and childrens names although I know who they are), frequent urination and lethargy.

During the actual migraine I become light and sound sensitive, and do not want to be touched unless your playing with my hair. Strangly I also become extremely sexually aroused, but, since I do not want to be touched its rather frustrating. It was so bad when I first started getting them that I would think up ways to kill myself. I knew I wouldnt but for some reason it helped me cope knowing that if it got too bad I knew 101 ways to do it. Ive since gotten over that, probably because I have gotten better at tolerating the pain.

Someone above mentioned the “empty shell” feeling and I agree 110%.

Luckily I have a good job that is Vet friendly and understands my time off requests. Ive seen numurous doctors of all types and they havent the slightest clue why I get them. I resent and loath going to the VA because they insist on dialating my left eye every time I go in. Each and every time I get an immediate migraine with vomiting an such. It seems like its almost a game to see how quick they can make me puke. Sucks, but if I want to keep my disability pay I have to continue seeing them.

Anyways my heart goes out to all of my fellow sufferers. To people who think we over exagerate or pain…I hope they never have to deal with what we deal with…I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy…well….maybe a few

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