it's been a long time...

I suppose I should address this blog to myself and not to my nonexistent readers. I started it as a tool to help myself and instead of sticking with it, I sort of let it fall by the wayside. No, I definitely let it fall by the wayside. I could chalk it up to the Great Computer Crash of 2006 (read: spilled a whole glass of water on my old laptop) or to lots of travel from May - July that interrupted my writing patterns, but I won't. I had plenty of time to write and didn't use it. I should have made it more of a daily thing and I didn't. And that's that.

From early June until mid-July, I had an amazingly wonderful time in my little old head. (Or, as the case may be, my oddly large head--though I am a thin young lady, I usually have to wear hats in size XL...hmm.) I could count on one hand the number of times I had to take a Relpax pill to take care of a Migraine attack, and my daily headache pain was at a nearly undetectable level. I tried to avoid a feeling of invincibility, but it sure was difficult: I felt GREAT!

Some of this had to do with the stress of school being over and done with. I finished all my course work and comprehensive exams for my Master's degree in early May. Maybe a couple weeks after that my body got used to the new feeling of not having school-related stress. I let go of some dating situations that were causing me grief, and maybe that contributed to my overall feelings of health. I also had had time to get used to the Zonegran, so maybe I was experiencing that wonderful period where my brain was working well with the new medication and getting along quite well with it. There often comes a time when new medicine kicks in, so to speak, and works really well. (Unfortunately, this miraculous period usually has an end.) A few weeks into feeling pretty good, I had the pleasure of beginning a new romantic relationship, one with a great deal more potential than any others I had had in the past several years. The accompanying feelings of euphoria (and the upped levels of serotonin that went along with that giddy beginning) probably helped, as well.

But in late July the pain returned a little bit, here and there. And in August it really made itself known. By late August and early September, I was having a really rough time of it yet again. I've been trying pretty hard not to take Relpax too often (see older entry regarding rebound headaches; also think of how expensive it is to purchase said medicine when your insurance doesn't cover prescription drug costs), and I've been aiming to break the drug cycle in general. This doesn't help the immediate pain, but I think it might help in the long run. (Of course when I feel the pain pass a certain threshold I most certainly do take a Relpax--I'm not going to torture myself when I know there's a way for me to feel better. I'm talking about the moderate levels of Migraine pain, not the severe ones.)

Point is: the pain levels have been fluctuating over the past months. I partly gave up on writing this blog for awhile because I got a bit cocky and figured that perhaps I was getting better at last. I need to realize deep down that CHRONIC PAIN IS A WAY OF LIFE for me. Some days I'll be able to control it better than others.

That's all for now.