ChronicBabe Blog Carnival #17: Gratitude

So I rarely participate in blog carnivals these days (these years?). Hope that'll change soon.

For the time being, though, I like to read blog carnival posts. Readers of my blog will probably find lots of support and warm words at Jenni Propky's ChronicBabe site. In addition to providing great content for women (and men!) dealing with chronic illness, Jenni coordinates a monthly blog carnival. Here's this month's feature about GRATITUDE: http://www.chronicbabe.com/articles/867/

Enjoy!

If you miss school, you can't go to the dance in the evening.

Growing up, I remember how excited we'd all get for those rare school dances. This started as early as third grade, I think--it wasn't 'til junior prom that I attended dances where people actually danced, but that's another story all together.

In the morning and afternoon announcements the days leading up to the Big Day, a teacher would consistently remind us that if we were absent the day of the dance, we would not be allowed on school property for the evening event. At the time, this rule bugged me a bit, but I couldn't put words to why it didn't seem fair. Always one for specifics, I could think of several different reasons why the school should make exceptions to this rule. (Truth be told, I did this any time there was a blanket, one-size-fits-all rule that was imposed on us.)

Today I feel crappy, plus Jim's doctor reinstated his bed rest prescription. (Jim had a tonsillectomy over a week ago and was on the mend but, after some un-scary bleeding, he had to go back to squishy foods and no exertion. This means I'm his nursemaid.) There's a lot going on in town today, too, things I don't want to miss. My migraine-plus-cold situation means no Indie Craftstravaganza for me, no neighborhood party, and no neighborhood association meeting at 4. Earlier I was feeling too blah to take my Maxalt, worried that maybe this was a "normal" headache associated with my cold and not a migraine (though time has shown that this is indeed a migraine; just have to convince myself to stand up and walk to the bathroom to fetch the meds). Then I thought, "Well, even if the Maxalt does work, I won't be allowed to go to the fundraiser party tonight. If I don't make it to the neighborhood association meeting in the afternoon, I can't go to the party in the evening."

You can see why I thought of my days in school, listening to the teacher as she told us in a scolding voice that missing the day of the dance meant no dance.

Of course I know that, when they work well, migraine-specific medications can wipe out the attack and render the migraineur able to function somewhat normally within hours. That if Maxalt works as it does 65% of the time for me, I could rest at home for a bit and end up at the fundraiser party at 7 in top form.

But my neighbors don't know that. I can't help but think, "What will they say if I email to cancel my participation at the meeting and then show up at a party hours later? They'll think I'm a faker!"

Of course this is an issue that's faced by many chronically ill folks like me. What have your experiences been? I am wary of overexplaining the ins and outs of my illness to people (close friends and strangers alike), but I don't feel comfortable showing up for a social function after having skipped the more boring duties earlier in the day.

I am on Twitter. Please tweet with me.

I love using Twitter to learn about bookselling and the book world (and to connect with readers). I thought I'd launch a personal Twitter account in addition to my bookstore account. Find me and we'll chat!

Here's my handle: @themigrainegirl

this strange sickness

I’m not used to having crappy days that aren’t migraine-related. This feeling is strange and uncomfortable—I almost expect to feel my head pounding when I stand up.

But I feel fine, physically speaking. My eyes are tired and I would love to curl up for a nap, but my head is okay and I’m not at all nauseated or headachey.

For someone who is used to chronic illness, it can be off-putting to feel sick for some other reason. Some reason that is, at least on the surface, unrelated to the usual culprit. Sometimes, during particularly bad migraine attacks, I think, “I would take any other ailment! Like, give me a sore throat or a cough, but get rid of this migraine!” When my yearly or biyearly cold comes around (as it always does), I curse my migrainous self. Sore throats KILL. Coughing so much that you can’t sleep is a form of agony all its own.

Now for this funk. I don’t want to be in the midst of a migraine episode at the moment, but at least in that case I’d have a reason for feeling lethargic and ever so blah, emotionally speaking.

This morning I woke in an uneasy mood. I hadn’t slept well due to loud noises outside my window. Have I mentioned I live within two hundred yards or so of an active train track? I can usually sleep through the whistles and chug-a-chugs, but when the conductors feel the need to couple their trains at 3 AM, this leads to horrifically loud crashing and banging. Imagine freight train cars slamming together hard enough to connect, and you’ll know what sorts of noises woke me up every few minutes in the night. The stress-infused nightmares didn’t help my mood upon waking.

Do you ever feel extra-out-of-sorts when you feel sick/depressed/blah/tired for reasons not attributable to your migraine? It’s really throwing me for a loop.