okay, so I'm a wimp

I shouldn't have claimed I was going to stop taking Zonegran. I was going to, I was! But I've wimped out, at least for now. There's the matter of money--I have no insurance and can't afford the $135 it costs to have an appointment with my neurologist, plus the tank of gas it takes to get to and from his office. More significantly, there's the matter of my nervousness, my anxiety. What if my Migraine frequency is on the rise once I go off my daily meds? What if the negative aspects I have interpreted as side effects from the medication are actually just newly acquired sides of my personality? Oh, god!

As you can see, I'm fearful. Nervous. Anxious. And not sure I can live up to the risk of going off my preventive medication even though I've long since decided the negative side effects outweigh the benefits.

Has anyone out there dealt with an issue such as this? Words of wisdom?

yoga

I have toyed with the idea of going to a yoga class for years now. A few months ago, I announced to my friends that I'd be starting yoga. That I'd bitten the bullet.

And I still didn't go. I don't know what it is about me that makes me not want to start. New and unfamiliar territory doesn't feel good to me, but once I've gone in and made a place for myself I usually feel pretty good (even in the rare cases that I'm feeling good just because I'm getting out of there!). I half-dread the first class. I'm not flexible, not hep to the lingo, unaware of what to do with my body when, and I certainly don't think I'll know people there. Would I want to know people there?

I know what I would say to myself were I an outsider giving unsolicited advice. "You'll be fine! No one's watching you, they're busy doing their own thing. If anything, people will be supportive and helpful and glad you're there." "Everyone's at her own level--the instructors understand that." "Good for you for going--I'm sure it'll benefit your health."

Already checked out the environment: asked a friend of mine who goes to the same yoga studio about the lighting situation. Apparently we're in the clear as far as fluorescents go. Yeehaw!

Today I got a yoga mat from someone on freecycle.org. Next I just have to show a little commitment and go to a class. I need to be dared first. Or paid. Or something! Somehow knowing it's going to do wonders for my health isn't enough. What's wrong with me?

to drink or not to drink

You may recall that I gave up drinking wine well over a year ago, finally admitting to myself that it was an undeniable and evil Migraine trigger for me. Shortly thereafter, beer was added to the list and, after much whining and denial, I finally stopped drinking it. I'll have a bottle now and then if I'm really craving it, but never enough to bring on a headache. Wah. I miss beer.

In hearing about Dr. David Buchholz's relative obsession with foods that trigger Migraine, I thought he said that clear alcohols weren't a trigger at all for many people. Perhaps I misread. According to this NPR article, Buchholz holds that all alcohols are a trigger but there seems to be a scale of what affects Migraineurs the most. Red wine as at the high end of the spectrum (meaning it is a very common, serious trigger) and we decrease from there according to the liquids' transparency--hence vodka being being on the low end. (See NPR article for Buchholz's exact quote, or search for his original studies if you'd like.) Buchholz has a book that I've never read called Heal Your Headache: The 1-2-3 Program. Apparently there's some debate in the neurology field over whether or not controlling foods you eat can control your headache patterns as it did for the woman in the article. I am fearful of such an approach, as I'm not sure at all of what I would eat. What's left? Even cutting out onions and bananas sounds nightmarish.

If anyone's tried this approach and has feedback for us, let us know!

No blog attention means missed opportunities!

I opened the email account reserved particularly for this blog today and found a week-old email, one that must have been sent to me mere minutes after the last time I checked my account. A freelance writer named Alicia Blog is putting an article together for Health Magazine. She's interested in strange headache triggers and wanted to talk to me (yes, me! somewhat anonymous, occasionally-writing me!) about ponytail headache, which I experience frequently but don't mention all too much here. She'd seen a March 2006 blog entry wherein I mentioned this elusive, painful phenomenon.

I've written her back but fear it's too late to have the short phone interview she mentioned. Ah, well.

In any case, the article should be pretty interesting--a piece dedicated to unusual triggers for headaches? Sounds like this will be great reading for us Migraineurs who want to get the word out to the so-called "normal" folk that yes, indeedy, foods that are banal for most can make us shut the drapes, call in the troops for help, and pop a $25 pill. That is to say, for example, a banana may mean sudden death for some and a lick of Nutrasweet may seem to be the end for others.

If she gives me word on when the article comes out, I'll be sure to post it here!